


Tacenda

by Violette20



Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Haruno Sakura, Bloody Mist, But they will come back, Fluff and Angst, Forgotten Memories, Gen, Haruno Sakura Deserves Better, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kekkei Genkai | Bloodline Limit, Kirigakure | Hidden Mist Village, Konohagakure | Hidden Leaf Village, PTSD, Psychological Torture, Reincarnation, Second Shinobi War, Third Shinobi War, Uzushiogakure | Hidden Eddy Village, Yuki Clan-Centric, Yuki clan is so cool!, kekkei genkai purge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22234372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violette20/pseuds/Violette20
Summary: Her thoughts were bumping into each other, trying to find which one was the most important in this situation, what to do, and before they could even reach her, they disappeared. Only one thing resonated in her mind‘Sakura’‘Sakura’‘My name is Sakura’And then nothing.On the 21st of November, Yuki Nozomi was born
Comments: 15
Kudos: 77





	1. New Ice

**Author's Note:**

> Before everything, I'm searching someone who could revise my work, for the spelling errors, if you are interested please tell, thank you!  
> I hope you will all like this fic! It's my very first time publishing on ao3 and I may mix up some controls, excuse me in advance for that, I'm trying very hard :p
> 
> Also english is my third language, if you see some errors please notify me, it's my personal challenge to finsih this book in english!  
> Naruto's world isn't mine, I'm using it for recreational purposes, but the Oc(s) are mine  
> Please enjoy

Chapter 1

A cold feeling infiltrated her bones. In the utter darkness of the place, her hands felt like ice, the tip of each finger numb. Not a sound could be heard, not a thing could be touched, she had the sensation of levitating, this feeling between flying and falling. And for a few seconds, it distracted her from the ghost of her dead friends roaming around her mind.

  
The woman didn’t dare open her eyes, she wasn’t afraid of what she could see, she was afraid to not see. She was afraid the moment she would open her eyes, the hope of being in a familiar place would fade of her body. Not that much hope was left, not much of anything was left in her, replaced by death, shadows and darkness. Replaced by the feeling of nothing. She stayed in this foetal position for hours, her heart pumping steadily, calming her, distracting her from the imminent truth. The ugly, feared truth. She had learned with time that the truth wasn’t always good, and the lies weren’t always bad. She had learned the lesson when the truth had destroyed her entire life in a single second, without remorse. The truth was, she was weak. She was weak even after years of lonely training, waiting for her friends to come back, which they never did. Until the war broke, then she saw them, she saw him again, smiling at her, encouraging her to continue, fight for her life. Which she did, until nothing else was around her. She was the last left in a world broke by fights. When she realized it, realized blood was slowly seeping out of the scarred body of her last partner, the last ninja alive with her, in that moment, her mind broke down and she pitifully died alone, on the dry rock, her fighting will evaporating in the warm air of the afternoon, the sun cruelly illuminating everything for her to see, the comforting sunrays showing the broken word in front of her. Her breath hitched a second, remembering the last images in her head before controlling her breathing again. 

  
For a moment, the kunoichi relaxed, letting herself almost drift in the world of dreams, but without warning the steady sound of her heart stopped. Her heart had stopped. The jade eyes opened in panic, her hands reaching her chest rapidly, only to feel nothingness, a blank silence. The green-eyed girl opened her mouth to emit a small panicked gasp, but no sound passed her pink, small lips, which sent her brain in a state of alarm, trying to process what was happening, the calm moment shifting to mental torture. In a moment of disbelief, she parted her lips, trying to emit a sound, a scream, but nothing would come out. She could feel her throat burning, but not a sound could be heard in the unsettling silence. Her breathe was coming in short, cut parts, the overflow of feelings making her eyes watery. What was happening to her? After what seemed like hours, her energy was drained, and she sank in dreamless sleep.  
Time later, the woman opened her eyes wide in pain, crystalline tears sliding on her porcelain skin. This was the worst she had ever experienced, the worst misery someone could feel. It started with her feet; every toe was breaking in an agonizing slowness. It spread to her ankles, then her thighs. She could feel her body placing itself in strange positions without her accord, not that she could think much of anything. Her brain was blank of thoughts, the only thing she could really think about was the ringing in her ears, the tears streaming and her bones breaking like vulgar butter. Before the pain could spread to her abdomen the kunoichi fainted, but the tears still cascaded.

  
For various hours she was in the realm between consciousness and unconsciousness; sometimes waking up, to immediately faint again from agony. This continued for what felt like an eternity, at the end of it she didn’t even want to try understanding why she was here and where was here. The only thing she cared about was to stop the pain, stop this cruel game. She was dead, she was supposed to be in a peaceful place with the people she loved, not here, alone, suffering, the kunoichi sobbed again, sending a flash of pain in her deformed body, but she couldn’t help herself, she didn’t want to be here, she wanted to see the ones she loved, the ones she tried to save but couldn’t. 

  
After various days, the pinkette felt like her memories were slipping out of her mind, she couldn’t remember the name of her comrades, the faces of ninjas were becoming blank, which made her panic, but she still didn’t have the energy to think on the problem and went back to sleep. The real problem arrived when she started to forget the names of her friends, at that moment she started to fear not remembering them. A strange feeling passed through her body and the process went even faster. It felt like butterflies were passing in her deformed limbs, finishing their race in her brain to take an important memory with them and fly far away from her. Tears streamed again, but she didn’t even remember why she was crying, which made the tears even more abundant. Her thoughts were bumping into each other, trying to find which one was the most important in this situation, what to do, and before they could even reach her, they disappeared. Only one thing resonated in her mind

  
‘Sakura’

  
‘Sakura’

  
‘My name is Sakura’

  
And then nothing.

*

The body of the kunoichi body was soaking now in calming waters. Sometime, for no apparent reasons, this body now disconnected of her mind would kick things around. After various months, the body started to hear voices: a feminine cold one and another more gruff, masculine. Kick, kick, kick, sleep. This being felt tired for any reasons, and it was growing slowly, getting bigger every week, arriving to a point where she was constricted from every part. By instincts, the small body pushed her head against a wall she pushed, pushed, pushed and slept, and she would start again and again.

  
In Kiri, on a cloudy day with a few snowflakes descending from the grey sky, a woman was in labour at the small civilian hospital near. Her energy was turning dangerously low, but she was hanging to consciousness, the love she had for her little creature immense. Her little baby wanted to get out and so the mother pushed harder, letting a small scream out. Her eyes watered, but she remembered why she was doing this. For months she had felt her daughter grow in her round belly. She had waited for this moment long enough, had suffered long enough in her pregnancy, she was ready to see the light of her life, the hope of her life. 

  
“One last push ma’am,” said the nurse accompanying her since the start. “At my count push the hardest you can” she continued in a calm voice “One, two, three!”  
The mother emitted a loud muffled groan and pushed with all of her remaining strength before letting her body fall on the hospital bed, her eyes slowly closing from fatigue. 

  
“We have the baby” informed the woman with a hint of relief in her voice

  
Cries could be heard in the white, dimly lit room, which warmed the mother’s heart, releasing new tears

  
“My baby” murmured the woman, searching the small form with her black, deep eyes

  
“Here she is” murmured the nurse, slowly laying down the crying, red, small baby on the mother’s chest before retreating of the room with the doctor, letting them some privacy.

  
Never had she felt like this before. Having such a small thing on her, seeing such a fragile being and feeling such an immense love. Like everything was meant to be, she knew from now her life would have a sense, an ultimate goal. 

  
“You are so tiny” she murmured while looking at her baby calm down, slowly opening her blue eyes, she knew the real color would define in the months to come, but she didn’t expect her baby to have clear eyes. “You’ll have beautiful eyes” she commented to herself with a smile. “I love you so much, you can’t understand how much my heart feels full looking at you my little Nozomi”

  
On the 21st of November, Nozomi Yuki was born.

When the woman was too tired to hold safely her daughter, the nurse and the medic came to take her. With careful movements they cut the umbilical cord, detaching the baby of her mom. The medic, a short woman with tan skin and black hair took the baby in her arms, a professional expression on her face, she wasn’t the type to stop working to contemplate a baby, she had seen hundreds of them in the last two decades she’d worked here. On the contrary, this was the nurse’s first real childbirth, and so she was cooing all over the small baby. While they were transporting the little girl to another room, she started to murmur lowly to her mentor, trying not to wake up the child.

  
“Such a pretty baby, shame the father isn’t around,” she expressed in a lamenting tone. The doctor sent her a bored look, not interested in the gossips of the town. “didn’t you know!” exclaimed the younger one with surprised painted on her chubby face, “This woman, Amaya, was able to marry in an important shinobi family, even if she was from the third class, but her husband died two weeks ago!” informed the brunette in a hushed tone.

  
“I am not interested in gossips, Majime, and her husband is probably in a long-term mission, nothing as interesting as what you heard,” responded the doctor with a calm voice, observing the nurse’s skin turn a pale shade of red

  
“Y-yes, I am sorry, Fukuhara-san, you are right” excused the brunette in a shy voice  
Their walk continued in silence, which made Majime jittery, she sometimes looked anxiously at her superior, both in work and class. Fukuhara Kaede was in the low part of the first class, a born in Kirigakure, and she only was a middle second class. The brunette had a good technique, but she also knew she had gotten the job because of low staff, because of pure luck, if it wasn’t because of that she’d be fighting to death in the academy. 

  
“Don’t look at me like that,” said lowly the doctor, “I won’t send you to graduate with the others of your rank,” she continued, emphasizing with disgust the word ‘rank’. “You’re a good enough nurse, it’d be a bother”

  
The younger one had to keep a relieved sight, her heart had gone wild for a second, imagining the unthinkable, the bath of red, shining blood that would slowly seep out of her friends. No, she didn’t want that, and she wouldn’t go there, she would prefer killing herself than go for a free-for-all ninja graduation. She looked again at the small girl in the tall doctor’s arms and envied the life she had in front of her. If what Fukuhara-san said was true, this would mean she would live in the higher class of all, high first class. How the mom had done it? She had no idea, probably have an illegitimate child and use it as blackmail. Everything was good to get out of the third class, even loose your morals, she had seen it happen countless of times: someone killing family, a child or a stranger in exchange of climbing a class higher. This was the ugly world of the bloody mist, and this lucky daughter will not even understand it, she was pure, for the moment, but power will rot her from the inside in a few years. 

  
The nurse kept her grim thoughts to herself and plastered a small smile on her face. The older woman opened the door to the office and gave the baby to her. Fukuhara’s long, smooth fingers configured the machines before letting her do her work. Majime, took the baby’s weight with caution, the small creature looking at her with what the nurse thought looked like a sceptic expression. She felt observed by the little girl, which was ridiculous in her opinion, but she couldn’t help but feel her burning gaze. She continued the test and then washed carefully the small body of blood and other fluids. The color of her hair was now visible, it was shining with the color of the night, a deep blue turning on purple. A peculiar, but beautiful color if you asked the nurse.

  
“Come with me,” she murmured in the baby’s ear while taking her, “it’s time to vaccinate you, it won’t hurt I promise.” The brunette took with her right hand the prepared syringe and showed it to the little girl. At the sight of it, her blue eyes filled with tears and a loud scream came out of her little lungs. “What’s wrong?” asked the nurse, letting the syringe on the desk and calming the baby with her two hands, “it’s only a syringe, don’t be scared. Why are you even scared? It’ll be quick with no pain, ok?” The cries continued for a few minutes and the soothing too, the little girl stopped crying when the nurse, not knowing what else to do, enumerated the ingredients of the vaccine. “Well, it seems you calmed down,” mumbled the nurse, “Here let me try again.” 

  
The tests finished with no other problem, Fukuhara had filled the chart with all the information gathered, the only thing missing on the papers was the name of the baby. The medic took the little creature in her arms without another word, and they walked in silence to the mother’s room, their heels taping on the old, white floor, one of the lights flickering. The two women stopped in front of the beige door and slowly entered the room of the still awake mother, waiting for the light of her eyes.

  
“Yuki-san, your baby is a healthy little girl, her vaccines have been administered successfully,” informed the doctor in a calm, indifferent voice. “What is her name?” she asked, her bored expression hidden behind her now loose jet-black hair.

  
“Yuki Nozomi, her name is Yuki Nozomi” she responded while taking the little Nozomi on her chest. The mother placed her frail body comfortably on the now clean bed. Someone had changed the sheets while they were away, thought the nurse, she probably has a better experience because of her class. Coming back to reality and forgetting her sour speculations, she took in her chubby hands the black, cheap pen and wrote the name of the newborn. Hope, such a pretty name, but usually associated with the lower classes. Well, it wasn’t her role to comment on the decision.

  
“We will now let you with your baby, you should try feeding her in the next hour. If you need help just ring the bell on the side of your bed.” Declared Fukuhara before quickly retreating with her subordinate, letting the mother and child alone.

*

After three days at the civilian hospital, recuperating from the exhaustion of her first accouchement, Amaya was finally released. She had wrapped her beautiful little girl in a soft baby blue blanket, object distinguishing the first class children of others. The two of them walked through the cleaner streets of Kiri, where higher ups had the right to walk. The mother still wasn’t familiar with the perks of being in the higher class of Kiri, all her life, she had lived in the dumpsters of the hidden village, but her situation had changed quickly, without her even noticing it at first, an she was now married to a first class man, the dream of every young girl of third class, and hers too, even if she didn’t like to admit it.

  
She sighed thinking about her husband who didn’t seem to come back from his mission, classified he had said. She let her gaze wander on tall round rock buildings of her country, vegetation growing of everywhere could be seen in the thick mist covering the city of rock. Kiri may not have been the best hidden village, but Amaya had learned to love it, even if, after the war, when she couldn’t fight anymore, they had dumped her in the third class, again, without warning. But it also was the home of her little girl, and she loved it because they were the ones protecting her baby of outside forces. She loved Kiri because it was the home of her daughter. A small smile painted her lips thinking bout the beautiful creature in her arms, she was an easy child, that was for sure. Never crying. But the nurse had said babies started to scream after the first month. She hoped her little girl would continue to quietly observe the world without complaint, her body felt tired enough, she didn’t want to also loose her mind. 

  
Amaya felt like the world had dropped on her shoulders without warning. Nobody had told her it would be this hard to give birth, but also to sleep after. No, Nozomi may not cry, but she was a mother, and a retired ninja at that, every movement her baby created a sound, from brushing her head against the sheets or breathing a little too loudly, she would wake up paranoid to check her daughter’s pulse. The mother had bags under her eyes, the type everyone could see, of a deep purple, like her baby’s hair. Her black eyes seemed tired under her long lashes, but she tried to hide it all with her long hair. Nozomi had the hair of her clansmen, but also her mother’s blue purple reflects, which made the woman proud deep within herself, at least now no one could say this wasn’t her baby, or a Yuki ninja.

  
Amaya arrived on the more reclused part of Kiri, where first ranks lived, approaching the Yuki compound. After turning right of the main road and following a path of tall tangled trees, where the light didn’t pass enough to illuminate the road made of small rectangular rocks she arrived in front of the tall gates of the compound. 

  
Still following the style of the hidden village, the exterior of the gates was of a white turning on grey rock in an arched form. The same rock continued its way as the wall protecting the clan’s privacy, but tangled with various plants, giving it a mystique aura in the thick mist, like an abandoned castle. Placed below the arch was, where the gates were supposed to be, a high, thick pike made of clear blue, impossible to melt ice, the color was the one you could only see in the sky on the few lucky days of summer, when the mist wasn’t obscuring the view and the sun was shinning brightly, the pike was made of various pikes itself all pointing threateningly at the visitors, like a warning, giving you a spoiler of the clan’s strength before you even entered their home. The Yuki symbol was carved in the middle of the mount of ice, standing proudly between the chaos of the ice. The clan of ice users had everything to be proud of, they were the most preeminent of all, and their ninjas were trained to be the best, but she had learned in the last year that not everything was rose and the training wasn’t for everyone, making it difficult for some to feel accepted. She had seen a few people disappear from one day to another, no one would talk about it, but in her opinion, they had escaped and were now missing, which was quite dangerous in time of war, she didn’t want that for her baby, and so she would make sure the training was appropriate for her, she had decided that after witnessing the hardships her clans mate could pass trough. “I’ll take care of you, don’t be scared” she murmured sweetly in her daughter’s ear before passing the two guards stationed at the gate. They acknowledge her presence with a small nod of the head, keeping their serious expression at all time. With rapid, but complicated hand signs, they simultaneously touched the high wall of ice, creating a small circle, high enough for her to pass.

  
Amaya walked thought it, a cold breeze hitting her and her baby in the process before finally arriving the clan compound. The first thing she could see after passing the gates was a wide, circular place made of small rectangular rocks, similar to the ones found in the pathway leading here. In the middle of said circle stood proudly a tall, old and imposing three. Kana, her husband’s mother, had once said, in one of days when she supported her daughter-in-law, that the white cherry blossom had been planted by Byakuren-sama, the first Hokage, in sign of peace and loyalty to the Yuki clan when the village was founded. Since then, the tree had grown. It was well taken care of, because it had an immense meaning for the clan people, the tree was the witness of their entire history and was still healthy and standing proudly, even under the snow of a few nights before. 

  
As the custom required, the mom bowed in front of it, her hair cascading in front of her face in a graceful way only kunoichi’s had before passing beside it and continuing her way. The circle path was the center point of various streets, five to be precise, three of which were exclusively to lead to houses, one in the center leading to the center of the compound where library, market and administrative office where situated and the fifth street to the left was going to the various training grounds and dojos the clans possessed for it’s ninjas. The woman took the first right path, leading her to the small, but cozy house the couple had bought after marrying, ready to move out of the family mansion – because really, that was just awkward – and they had decorated it and maintained it in perfect condition since then. 

  
The young mother pushed her chakra in the small seal on her front door, at the contact of ink and yin energy, it glowed in a pleasant orange, letting her open the door without danger. Amaya pushed it with little strength and entered the dimly lit house. With habit, she mindlessly opened the light with one hand and unclipped her shoes, always keeping the little Nozomi close to her chest. The woman slid to the living room where she posed the baby in her crib, the position perfect to see her from the kitchen. Checking one last time that her daughter was comfortable, Ayame opened the pale green curtains, illuminating the living room of a soft golden light from the waking sun. She moved to the open kitchen space and silently cooked a meal for herself. The mouth watering sent of miso soup coming to her nostrils while she was eating her soup. She heard a small ruffling sound from the white crib, Amaya sent a glance to it and saw her little girl quietly looking at her, a calm expression on her chubby face. 

  
“You’re hungry” she murmured to herself, recognize the peculiar look her kid gave her when she wanted to eat. She took Nozomi out of her baby bed and sat on the green mat on the floor, observing how her daughter avidly drank of her breast. “You’re so beautiful”

*

  
A week passed and Nozomi was surely taking weight, Amaya was doing the exercises recommended by the doctor with her daughter, on the wide squared mat in the living room full of plants when she felt the small flicker of a very familiar chakra just behind her. 

  
A beautiful smile bloomed on her tired features and mirth exploded in her eyes. In simultaneous movements, Amaya jumped on her feet and turned around, instinctively wrapping her arms around her beautiful husband. The mom kissed him slowly, with love and calmness, which he responded immediately, putting his hand on her toned waist lovingly. She finished the small kiss, moving back her head as before, observing him. “I missed you” she whispered, a hint of desperation painting her eyes. “I missed you too” he responded with a smile.

  
Kazu was a loving man, the type that wasn’t found around Kiri, and in time of war over that. He may not be the most visually pleasing of the clan, but he was overall a little above average in his physic and Amaya loved him jut like that. When she looked at him, she always got lost in his icy blue eyes, they were so pale they almost seemed grey. He smiled at her again, small dimples showing on his porcelain skin, his lips rosy by their previous kiss edging just enough for her to see his withe teeth and the right canine missing. His clear purple hair was damp from the outside rain, making the short strands stick to his forehand, over his kiri headband. A small cut could be seen on his left cheekbone, the angry red clashing with his impeccable appearance, his uniform intact and his posture showing no other injuries. The man herd a small sound coming from behind his wife, the ice of his eyes wandering over the shoulder of the female in front of her. His arms went limp from surprise, suddenly realizing Amaya’s bump was much smaller than last time and she was glowing, even if she obviously was tired. The mother could see her husband’s face change slowly, first realization falling on him and then panic in a way she had only see one time: the day she had announced she was pregnant.

  
“Sh-sh-she, born?” he slowly said, his eyes still fixed on the small form on the floor. Amaya let slip a small laugh, he looked so scared she couldn’t help it “She came a little sooner than expected, but she is a healthy baby”. Kazu didn’t move, couldn’t move, he was transfixed by what he was seeing, he only felt the small hand of her wife guide him, softly making him sit in front of the creature that looked at him with question, like she was waiting for him to present himself to her. Which made him realize that he was father, and the most beautiful feeling bloomed in him, the warm sensation irradiating from his heart, so intense and overwhelming he felt asphyxiated, like the strength of his love only could kill him from the inside, without a warning. And so, he did what he could to calm himself from this overwhelming sensation, he let loose his emotions and tears fell from his icy eyes. The image itself, in Amaya’s opinion was beautiful, to see her husband as lost as he was, seated with his legs crossed, looking so weak compared to the newborn baby observing him, like she meant everything and he had only realized it at that moment. She also let a small tear out, because now her family was complete, and noting could separate them.

Or so she hoped.


	2. I Once Heard the Eyes Are the Window to the Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozomi is one year and a half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this chapter! You will probably understand better the clan's dynamics after your reading. Thank you for the comment it really motivated me to write this next chapter :)

“Don’t you think it’s a little early for her to start talking” whispered quietly Amaya to her still awoke husband who was looking at her questioningly. “Well I mean, your sister’s little boy is one month older, and he can’t even say a complete sentence, I just think, it’s… well, not strange, but…”   
“Unexpected,” completed Kazu with a wondering tone, now starting to understand why her wife was bringing the subject up. It was easier for her to speak about her preoccupations in the dark, where she didn’t feel vulnerable, he had learned that after two years of successful marriage. He just had to wait, stay awake for a few minutes and she would start talking about whatever was on her mind, which let her feeling lighter.

  
“I’m just… worried, I don’t want people to use her for their own personal purposes because of that advantage she had,” she murmured, her voice wavering in the end. The word tool left unsaid, hanging in the tense ambient, but very well understood by the two. “She’s a special kid” she finished, not louder than the wind.  
“Maybe you should start teaching her some things” Kazu proposed, before quickly correcting what he said, feeling Amaya tense against his body. “Not training, but more… intellectual things, so she can defend herself with words.”

  
The woman thought about the idea for a few seconds before looking with wonder at her husband and detaching herself from her his warm body, carefully getting out of the baby blue and grey covers. “You are right, I should do exactly that” she responded her face stuck on a slight, considering, frown. Kazu looked at his woman wrapping herself in her white fluffy robe, hiding her white, clan shirt in the process. The father sight internally already knowing that his wife wouldn’t go to sleep before finishing whatever she had in mind. “Don’t stay up to late sweetheart,” he whispered dejectedly, before turning around and closing his blue eyes.  
Amaya only hummed in response, her mind already thinking thoroughly at the possibilities offering to her. She walked silently out of the bedroom, closing the sliding bamboo door behind her, to after head to their small office where a big white wooden desk stood in between high libraries and thousand of books, it’s form looking small compared to what surrounded it. The mother quietly sat on the also pristine white chair and opened the first drawer in front of her, taking a brand-new notebook and a small black pencil. Opening it to the first page her work started, making plans and curriculums for Nozomi until she heard, when the sun was shily showing the tip of its head, a quiet tap on the wall. The little girl was awake and ready to start the day, but Amaya was sure her husband would go take care of her, since he wasn’t there much and would go out on a mission soon, so she didn’t bother to go in her daughter’s room.

  
While continuing her researches, she could hear Nozomi’s heavy and clumsy steps in the living room, she was probably moving in front of the window to observe the passing clansmen like she did every morning since she had learned to crawl. Amaya’s ears picked up the sound of food being cooked and the song Kazu always hummed in the mornings, overall it seemed to be a normal day in the Yuki household, and she felt herself smile at that thought.

  
The woman continued to scribble detailed plans in the blue notebook; she knew a lot about academy curriculums, her now deceased mother had engrained those plans in her head since her younger age. Third classes people didn’t usually have a good a good education, and in order to survive in the bloody mist, you needed to have good enough grades, or you’d die. “D-d-daddy,” heard Amaya through the walls, “who is… I mean, are those w-wweird people.” The mother stopped her hand, feeling Kazu’s chakra tense, something was wrong, she thought her brows frowning in a straight line. She stood up, her long shiny hair following her silent steps guiding her to the living room where she sent a careful look to the window.

  
The strangest sight presented to her. Konoha shinobis were walking in their compound, serious expression adorning their tense faces. They were in enemy territory, in an enclosed space filled with powerful ice users. Two Kiri ninjas were escorting them, sending warning looks to whoever dared to threaten the representants of fire country. Before she could observe them more, her husband closed the curtains in a rapid movement, the thin green curtains suddenly turning into a shield, a wall between the war and their little family. She could see the man she loved tense, before disappearing in his room. “Fucking tree-hugers, what are they doing in Kiri” he rumbled lowly while closing the door to change in his uniform.

  
Amaya emitted a soft sight, she didn’t have the same feelings for Konoha as her husband, her roots, her origins impeded her from hating them, but she knew Kazu had lost to many people in this war to understand what she felt, so he didn’t knew, her origins were her own little secret, and maybe one day would be her daughter’s secret. The one and a half little girl turned around, eyes closed and small tears leaving her eyes. “W-w-why is d-daddy mm-mad?” She asked her voice cracking in the end before starting to cry again, scared to see the person who always smiled around her wear such and ugly scowl, full of hatred. The mother’s heart broke at the sight, she detached herself from the wall and cupped her daughter in her arms before sitting with her, putting Nozomi’s head over the steady beat of her heart. For some reason, since she was born, her baby had always calmed to the sound of heartbeats, like it was the only thing that could reassure her and prove she wasn’t alone.

  
“You know, Nozomi, daddy has lived more things that we could even imagine, and sometimes bad bad memories appear when he see people he doesn’t like,” started to say the mother, the little form on her chest already calming. “That doesn’t mean you have to have to feel the same things he feels, everyone has their own memories and experiences and your dad has gone through so much he sometimes forgets who he is, forgets what is around him. That’s why when he is mad because of bad memories, we have to let him calm down alone, because we can’t understand what he is feeling, we don’t have his memories.” Amaya wasn’t sure Nozomi had completely understood what she had said, but she was now quiet, her breathing the only think that could be heard from her. “War” said the little girl in a quiet voce, before saying it louder, her voice somehow smoother, “Dad has lived the war.” Nozomi lifted her head in order to look at her mother, her eyes slowly opening letting the older woman see what was hidden behind her purple lashes. 

  
The mother’s breath stopped for a second, the color had changed, even if so slightly. Behind the delicate layer of salty water stood icy blue eyes, as beautiful as always, but in their center was spreading the green of the forest, the green of her soul. “Did dad go to war?” she asked her now blue and green eyes having a more mature, tired glint to them. Amaya gulped, her intuition telling her to respond and observe, but not question the phenomenon happening in front of her. “Yes, he did, and he is still going” she said, her voice having a hint of regret mixed with sadness and worry. Nozomi scanned her face, her lips disappearing between her tiny white teeth in a worried expression. “Don’t worry mom” she said to her in calming, crystalline voice, her little hand wiping the small tear the mother hadn’t even noticed on her cheek, “this war will soon finish” she stated with confidence, looking at her for one last time before closing her eyes again and placing herself comfortably enough to fall asleep in a few seconds.

  
Amaya didn’t dare move, feeling at lost, it almost felt like a dream, she didn’t understand what had happened and it had finished as quickly as it had started, not letting her process properly what was occurring. Her black orbs looked questioningly at her sleeping daughter. She had always been a strange kid, more intelligent than other and a quick learner, she had never cried and stopped drinking milk in the moment they had presented real consistent food to her, which had worried to no extent the mother at first, but she had let it pass all, trying to forget about everything that could make her baby different of others, more apt to kill, to go to war, but this… this she couldn’t ignore. It was the kind of event that would always stay in her mind, she would try to associate it to whatever she could and would probably never find the true answer to the mystery. But what she was sure of is that no one else would know about this event. Her maternal instincts had jumped at the thought of her baby being used as an experiment, strapped on medical beds, trying to understand what was ‘wrong’ with her, but absolutely nothing was wrong about Nozomi, she was just… different. Yes, just different. She would keep protecting her for the rest of her life and never, never would she send her daughter in death arms, at war, that she was sure of. “What will I do with you” she murmured exasperated. 

  
She stayed in silence for a few minutes, lost in whirling thoughts and red memories, before hearing her bedroom’s door open and her husband’s chakra approaching. “I’m sorry” he said looking at her back from the kitchen, his voice pitiful, ashamed. Amaya stayed silent for a few seconds, “Don’t do it again, you made your daughter cry,” she said, her voice cutting, reprimanding, but loving and soft at the same time. He sighed in regret “I’m sorry… I will go walk for a bit” he continued after a long pause. “Be careful” she said tensely, both of them knowing she was talking about the Konoha shinobis in the compound, still not looking at him. He only made his chakra flicker in acknowledgment and rapidly walked out of the house. When she heard the door close, she looked at the small from on her chest “You know,” she started, her voice calmer, “I once heard the eyes are the window to the soul”.

*

A week passed, Nozomi had received new gifts from her grandmother, Kazu’s mother. Her eyes hadn’t changed, and she didn’t start to talk about things she shouldn’t know. She was simply playing with her new little doll, brushing her soft blond hair. “M-mommy,” she said, still concentrating on the blue-eyed plastic human, “I r-r-really like this doll, she mmmakes m-me feel all wwweird inside,” she continued, her voice having a sheepish sound to it. “Here, it makes mmmme f-feel all wwwarm h-here” she said while pointing at her little chest, where her heart was placed, Amaya only listened with a small smile, her hands occupied with clothes, her daughter really was a little angel, so adorable. “Does she have a name” asked the mother, now folding her husband’s shirt, who had taken off to the front lines yesterday. An unsettling silence filled the living room, before Nozomi responded, her voice quieter. “I-I th-think we sh-should call her Ino” said the little girl before looking at her mother. “M-mommy?” she said with a worried voice, her tone cracking in the end, Amaya looked at her child only to meet blue and green eyes. The mother stayed quiet, “Why a-a-am I cr-crying” said the little girl, bringing her hands to her now teary cheeks, eyes full of incomprehension, lost. “What is your name sweetheart” said Amaya in the most reassuring voice she could produce. “M-my name?” Asked the purpled hair kid, tears still cascading on her cheeks. “M-my name is Sakura m-mommy.” 

*

The next week, Amaya woke up to the sounds of screams. Screams of joy, but still screams none the least. The mother got out of her blue and grey sheets and quickly changed in her long white dress with the clan emblem on the back and put on her black spandex pants, hidden behind the ankle long fabric and strapped, as she always did, her kunai pouch on her thigh. Not being an active ninja anymore didn’t mean paranoia would fade away. As she was braiding her hair, she heard a small knock on the wall, the mother quickly finished her meticulous work and went in her daughter’s room, a sweet shade of purple welcoming her in the room. Nozomi was already on her two feet, a tired look printed on her pale face. “Come here little one,” she said extending her arms and crouching in front of her baby, the small creature walked slowly and carefully to her mother’s arm, snuggling in them before falling back asleep to her steady heartbeat. Amaya straighten up before walking silently to the living room window giving on the street, opening the curtains with caution. On the other side of the glass stood people with exalted faces, some wearing tears of joy, other simply smiling like they were the sun itself. People screaming four words full of hope, full of peace. She could see the ice users creating with their deadly jutsus beautiful snowflakes, glinting in the sun that had decided to show itself that day. Flowers from the flower shop were thrown everywhere like they weren’t the priciest thing you could buy in this compound. A shower of life falling on the clansmen’s heads. A small girl saw her looking at them and ran in front of her big window, her icy blue eyes full of mirth and pastel purple hair flying in the morning breeze. Her grin became even wider if that could be possible, she brought her hands around her small pink mouth before opening it in a big circle and screaming four little words that would change everyone’s life: “The war is OVER!” Amaya felt the words slowly seep through her mind, her lips instinctively forming a heart-warming smile, her arms hugging her baby tighter and a small tear of relief sliding from her black orbs. “The war is over,” she murmured for herself before being taken of an intense frenzy, a feeling of utter joy mixed with hope, but overall relief, like she had been taking the weight of the world in her shoulder and it was now gone. For ever. 

  
The mother walked in a dancing manner to her daughter’s room, her feet moving of their own accord. “Nozomi,” she said while softly shaking her daughter, “Nozomi, wake up!” The little girl opened grudgingly her eyes, but when she met the joyful expression of her mother she immediately straightened up, maybe it was her mommy’s birthday? Nozomi didn’t complain when her mother quickly dressed her up in the most beautiful kimono she owned, she didn’t say a word when she braided her hair and pulled it on her head with a beautiful hair pin. Nozomi stayed quiet when her mother made her smile, she only assessed the situation. Her mom was happy, and she was dressing her up, so something important was happening, but the little girl didn’t know what exactly, and so she would continue observing until she understood, like she always did. Amaya took her daughter on her shoulders and quickly went outside, a grin still adorning her beautiful features.  
The little creature opened her eyes wide when she saw crystalized flowers floating all over the streets and kids running everywhere, people chatting and screaming. Never had she seen such a sight, from all the mornings in front of the window, people always stayed silent, a serious, preoccupied expression on their face, sometimes chatting with a friend in hushed tones. 

  
Nozomi didn’t often go outside, she had never seen so many persons in the same space, it was a totally new experience and she liked it, no… for some reason she loved it! She loved the sense of joy that everyone had around them, like a constant aura of peace, she loved the way people interacted, how the streets seemed alive, like before… wait, like before? She had never seen this; how could this be like before? The girl laughed at her own silliness, she found herself very funny. The little creature tried to catch a few flowers, after various clumsy tries she took one from the sky. “Mommy l-look how pwetty i-it is!” she said in an exalted tone, shoving the flower in her mother’s sight. The toddler than proceeded to put it on her mother’s nose, but the flower quickly lost its shiny look and hang flabbily from her face. “M-mommy, wwwhy does it n-not work on y-you?” asked Nozomi with a questioning glance. “You can do it because you’re like your father,” she said, flashing a beautiful smile to her child, “you two are from the Yuki clan. I am from another clan.” The little girl looked at her with wide eyes, “Weally? So cool m-mommy!”

  
Their walk to the central place continued, Nozomi humming the same song Kazu always sang and Amaya feeling lighter than the air. People wearing blue and white surrounded them, their laughter filling the air, their smile filling the previous darkness. Everyone was walking happily to the central point, where the withe cherry blossom was blooming, the petals of its flowers whiter than snow and livelier than the sun. At the end of the street already stood a crowd growing by the seconds, in those moments you could see, realize the immensity of the Yuki clan, their strength, the menace they were to those in their disgrace. The clan people were waiting, all jittery, the announcement that would be made would confirm the reality of the situation and everyone was hoping it was true, not just some ugly rumor that had been spread by the innocents. For a few minutes mother and daughter waited, people coming to extend the mass of citizens already there. In a few seconds, in an imperceptible movement, ninjas wearing the Yuki clan symbol appeared around the tree, announcing in a certain way that their leader was going to appear, the sound progressively retreated and, in the end, not a murmur could be heard. A small circle was created in front of the tree. The white hair of the clan chief could be seen from where Amaya stood, Nozomi could see the whole upper part of his body. The little girl was immediately fascinated by the clan head, her eyes following his every movement. His posture screamed charisma, confidence but also knowledge and for some reason, Nozomi just knew he was wise, maybe not good, but he was intelligent, someone who could see things that no other person could see. His long white hair still had some slight purple strands in it, but nothing significant, half of it was pulled in a ponytail and the rest hang loosely, touching his hips. The man was wearing a white tunic with collar in yukata style letting everyone see his black mesh armour underneath. Over it was a baby blue open coat no longer than his hips. His pants were black, with various pockets and a kunai pouch securely attached to his thigh. A long katana was attached to his belt. His face was scarred, a long withe trait starting from below his right eyes to the upper part of his lips. 

  
“Before starting today’s announcement, I would like for us to honour the dead.” He started; his rough voice heard by all. His eyes scanned the crowd and all the ice users started to move of a common accord, Nozomi watched her expression calmer than before, she observed the clan head hands move, his right hand closing on itself like preparing to punch someone and his left hand lay flatly on it. The dog… “That was the dog sign!” Thought excitedly Nozomi, “I know that sign!” The little girl didn’t know why she knew it, but she wouldn’t question it, she just wanted to try to do what the Yuki clan, her clan could do. Amaya’s daughter placed her hands as most of her clan did. What was she supposed to do now? With wide eyes she observed how a shiny shape would form in front of the man, slowly shaping itself until it became a crystalized snowflake. She closed her blue eyes, her face crunching in concentration, she felt something cold, refreshing and fluid pass trough her veins, like icy water in winter. Beautiful and deadly. The dark around her brought voices to her ears, voices she didn’t know, but at the same time seemed so familiar.

  
“What is chakra?” asked a warm, masculine voice in a not so silent room. Only a few excited hush tones could be heard for a few moments, “Yes, Sakura” he said knowingly, like something was bringing a smile to his face. A high pitched, almost robotic voice started to talk, clearly reciting something she knew, “Chakra is a form of life energy produced by the chakra coils in our body, it is made of two types of energy, physical and spiritual. Chakra is essential to most basic techniques; it can be better controlled through hand seals,” the girly voice receded, but an aura of smugness could be felt in the dark of Nozomi’s mind, “Yes, thank you Sakura, now today class, we will be learning to feel and use chakra” started the masculine voice before being cut, “Wow! That’s so cool Iruka-sensei,” said a goofy voice. “Yes, it is Naruto, now listen all please. Close your eyes and feel, do you feel a warm source of energy, it is different for everyone, but it’s usually situated in your tummy. Please concentrate and calm your breathing, when you will eventually find this pool of chakra in you try to understand it, it is a being of its own and needs to be tamed for you to use. Every chakra is different and so it can be harder for some to do the following step. When you will have total control of it slowly guide it through your limbs, it has to come to your fingers, you will know when it will work, a small blue light will –“ the warm voice faded in Nozomi’s head again, but it had helped her, guided her in each step. The little girl felt something being pulled out of her, shaping changing in the air around her, like a part of her was attached to her, but still detached, too far away for her to be comfortable. The toddler opened her eyes a small scream of surprise erupting from her mouth at the sight of the small snowball in front of her. “Mommy!” she said loudly in the silence of the place, “Mommy I did it look!” she continued, she detached her hands from each other and pointed to the snowball floating in front of her, but her concentration broke and the cold projectile fell on the young woman in front of them. The woman turned around and sent her a warning glance, in too good mood to ruin the day of the little girl. Nozomi’s cheeks turned vermilion from shame, her mother gave her a dangerous frown, the one that meant we-will-talk-about-this-later. The little girl stayed quiet, trying to behave at her best and looked around her the beautiful show, hundreds of shining snowflakes were being created, elevating themselves in the pink and purple waking sky, the colors reflecting on their icy layers. Her icy eyes looked fascinated, like she had just discovered a new hidden gift, her expression was delighted. The toddler felt her eyes pulled below the white cherry blossom where her clan head stood his sharp features concentrated on one point, her, their blue eyes met for a second, before Nozomi broke the eye contact, feeling to ashamed to continue.

  
“Today, the third Mizukage brought two messages of hope.” Started calmly their leader after a few seconds of silence, “Today is a new day for future generations, a promise of peace and health was made two days ago between the Kages of every nation. Today, the peace was officially declared in every part of the world, may this message travel through countries and be heard by even the most secluded places and villages.” The crowd sheered with a newfound energy, their wish made true, but they regained control and let him continue his speech. “In this now fragile peace, the Mizukage decided it was a good moment to give the chance to new generations to bring changes, the kage candidates are being discussed right now with the council, may the best win.” His speech finished with the sound of clapping hands and joyful conversations filling the air. The mother quickly walked out of the crowd, to her daughter’s disarray. “Mo-m-my, don’t you have f-fwends?” she asked with a disarrayed voice. “No” sighed the mother, “mommy doesn’t have a lot of friends, people don’t like me much” she confessed without shame. “B-but why’s that mommy?” insisted her daughter, still not understanding. “Because I come from a different class, a different world and people don’t like what they don’t understand” she responded flatly, not really in the mood to elaborate about such a difficult subject with her toddler. “That’s st-stupid mommy, you are a-amazing!” said her daughter while giving a small hug to her forehead. “Thank you darling, I also think you are amazing,” stated the mother with a lighter voice. “Love you mommy,” whispered Nozomi in her mother’s ear. “Love you too sweetheart. Now, didn’t we talk about disturbing other people, what you did to that woman won’t happen again. Am I being clear?” “Yes m-mommy”

The two girls continued to walk between the dancing people of the clan until they arrived in front of their little house. Amaya quickly unlocked the door with her chakra, but before entering her daughter spoke up. “Mom, I l-like to go outs-tside, we should go more of-often,” the mother kept a long sight to herself, “Maybe sweetheart, maybe now that the people seem happier, we could.” She responded with a low, regretful hope. Amaya took her daughter from her shoulder and softly put her on the ground. The little girl followed her mother inside and went to play in the living room with her toys, but she seemed lost in thoughts, like these dolls weren’t interesting enough for her anymore. In reality, she was thinking about the sensation she felt while using her chakra. It was strange, a mix of boundless joy and hope, but also of melancholy. She had felt good, she had liked it, like it was already an important part of herself she had found again. “Mommy?” asked Nozomi with a small voice, “I want to be a ninja” she continued, more confident in her statement. Amaya looked at her daughter in confusion, why now? She never had a particular interest in the ninja arts. The mother didn’t start to cry or scream like she had expected herself to do. No, a strange sense of calm invaded her body, this interest would have come one day, even if the mother had hoped it would be later in Nozomi’s life, it would give her an advantage to survive. The woman’s emotions and thoughts were contradictory, she didn’t want her daughter to train because that could send her on the front lines, but they lived in the bloody mist and who said they wouldn’t send an unprepared child to fight? So the mother settled on her decision. “Then I guess peace will bring hell to you, prepare because tomorrow you won’t be able to sand on your feet sweetheart” stated the mother with a strange, soft, but sadistic voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I really tried to portray Yuki's tradition and importance in Kiri, also... Are you prepared for the fourth Mizukage? Because it will be an absolute mess!
> 
> And do you like the Sakura appearance?  
> Anyway thank you for reading


	3. Chapter 3: Innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura visits her landscape and meets a mysterious woman.  
> There are descriptions of dead bodies in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter :)  
> It was really hard for me to write this chapter, I feel I did an okay correction, but I do not have a beta, so I tried my best!  
> I'm searching for a beta?.. If you're interested :)

Chapter 3

  


The soft scent of sugary food tickled the nose of the sleeping toddler, the small form moved in the soft purple covers, her mind slowly awakening from a deep slumber. Purple lashes fluttered in the light of the waking sun, letting icy eyes observe the world around her, distinguish reality from the dreams. The images of her dreaming life evaporated in seconds, only letting her as always with the sound of clear laughter and the memory of heart wrenching cries. The chubby creature let a small yawn escape her pink mouth and slowly sat in her bed, her body still numb from sleep. The toddler slowly tapped on the wall, waiting for her mother to come and pick her up. The child stayed in silence and suddenly jumped at the sight of her mother that had entered without a sound in her room. The little creature pouted at her mother, why did she need to scare her every time! But Amaya only smiled in an endearing sadistic way that made the toddler shudder in fear and heart beat faster in anticipation. Before going to sleep yesterday the little girl had imagined what her training would look like, she had felt small butterflies shuffle around her stomach and an anticipating painted on her face at the thought of becoming as great as her daddy! Amaya took her daughter without a word and brought her to the kitchen. Nozomi looked at her mother questioningly and shuffled in Amaya’s arm in hopes to catch her attention, but nothing could do, she remained ignored. The mother put down her child on the table and quickly came back with two warm plates.

The rest of the morning continued in silence, Nozomi couldn’t understand the situation and it was hard for her to adapt. She forgot to watch the outside world like she did every morning and instead followed her mother like a little duckling. They bathed in silence, dressed in silence and played in silence until the mother went to sit down in the green living room, an inquisitive look painted on her face. At the sight of it, the toddler hurried to go sit down on the other side of the low table and she waited for her mother’s attention. The woman observed the child “Good morning my love,” she said with a smile. The woman chuckled softly at the sight of her daughter’s now happy face, “it must have been a strange morning for you,” she continued, her daughter quickly shacking her face, “it’s normal, that was my intention,” she assured. Nozomi looked strangely at her mother, “But-t why, mom-my?” asked the little girl. “I wanted you to understand that sometimes you won’t be able to speak, but still will need to communicate,” Amaya responded more seriously, “that’s why we will start learning other ways to… say your ideas,” the mother said, simplifying the words for her daughter to understand. “O-oh, ok…” responded Nozomi surprised, slowly understanding. The mother gently stroked her daughter’s hair in an affectionate gesture “stay here, I’m coming back we the things you will need for your first lesson.”

The mother let her daughter unattended for a few seconds, going in the office to retrieve three notebooks, one green, a worn out, smaller black one and the almost new blue. Her gracious movements led her back to Nozomi, the little girl quickly got up from her seated position and followed the woman outside, in their backyard. The two of them sat at the glass table, the mother on the right of her daughter. Small green bushes giving them privacy in their little yard. “Nozomi,” said Amaya to grab her attention, “This is for you,” she continued while giving her the green notebook, “you won’t be able to use it for now, but I will show how I do it, how your grandmother and your great grandmother did. It’s something very important for the ninjas of our family.” Her daughter looked at her with questioning eyes, not fully understanding what her mother was referring to, “Mom-my, what do you d-do in your not-t-tebook?” she asked with a wondering voice. “I code, coding is a way to write, if you have your own code than no one else can understand what you’ve written, you will make your own code alone, I won’t now of it and we will learn the familial code, so you can learn what I’ve planned for you,” she said while pointing at the blue book on the table. “C-can I ssssee your noteb-book?” asked Nozomi with hope. Her mother let a small sight, “No you can’t, that is a very important rule Nozomi : no one can even dare imagine looking in your notebook, only when you die can someone try understanding what’s written in it, and only a few can even understand one of the characters. Maybe when I’ll die you will open this little thing here” responded the woman with a more serious, firm tone while pointing at her own notebook. “Now let’s get you started on Hiragana’s sweetheart; I expect for you to know them by the end of this week.” Said Amaya with a mischievous smile.

*

  


Hiragana, in Nozomi’s opinion, were fairly easy to learn, she just had a natural for them, everything seemed to be absorbed by her brain in a few minutes. For that reason, Amaya decided to briefly look at katakana to prepare her daughter for next week’s lesson.

At eleven o’clock the mother decided to start their training in the backyard, where the grass was soft and trees strong. For a moment, she only watched the little girl play in the flowers, trying to engrave this image of purity and innocence in her mind for the yeas to come, to remember why she should stay alive. “Nozomi, let’s start. Come here,” said the mother in a firm tone. The little girl quickly got up and clumsily walked to her mother, waiting for her to continue. “Before starting your training, you will have to follow a few rules, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt,” she continued in a softer tone. “O-okay mommy,” said Nozomi unsure of what else to do. “You will listen everything I say. Don’t try to be a hero, you’re only a little child, if it hurts somewhere while your doing your training, come and see me, I won’t be mad. Just remember, don’t do anything stupid.” “Okay mommy” responded the little girl with a smile.

The mother got up and stepped down the patio. She observed her daughter for a few seconds, when Nozomi looked at her with questioning eyes, she simply smiled and forgot the morbid emotions that had filled her heart for a few seconds. “I want you to run from here to the other side of the yard and come back as quickly as you can okay?” she said softly. “I’ll do it!” responded the little girl with a big smile filled with new determination. Her small chubby, wobbly legs tried to push her small body at a faster pace, a little after the middle of it, she almost fell, but her little arms helped her take back control of her body and she continued as far as she could. When her small finger touched the prickly green bushes, she quickly looked at her mother in search of approbation, she received a soft nod and smile, filling her of determination. The toddler came back, the path harder to do again. Her breath was cut, but she could still run. When she arrived in front of Amaya, a big smile painted her face. “H-how w-was it-t mommy?” asked the little girl between long breathes. “That was good for your age, but you’ll see, it’ll soon become easier, your chakra will help you. Now let’s start again.”

This continued nine other times, by the time they had finished, the little girl was sweating profusely on the ground. The mother disappeared for a few seconds, rapidly coming back with a glass of water and a plate of delicious food she softly put down on the glass table. She took Nozomi in her arms and gently helped her sit on the black chair, tying her hair in a small ponytail. “Here sweety, I know you’re tired, this is for you” she said in her daughter’s ear. “Mom-my, thank you,” said Nozomi in a tired voice.

She ate with appetite, her plate quickly emptying itself. Amaya only looked at her daughter with loving, but lost eyes, her thoughts swirling in different direction, trying to understand Nozomi. Trying to understand what was happening inside her daughter’s body, she had various theories, but she couldn’t bring herself to decide on only one, because she didn’t want to see Nozomi under a different light. She still was her daughter, wasn’t she?

The woman cleared her throat, taking back control on her mind, “Hu-humm, here let me take your plate,” said Amaya, her voice sounding a little insecure. The mother quickly disappeared behind closed door, leaving Nozomi outside. She washed the plate and dried it and a few minutes later, she was back outside, her mind calmer and her smile back. “Now sweetheart, it’s the best time to work on chakra, but for this, we need to be very careful, because it can be very dangerous at your age. So, that’s why today we will meditate, I want you to understand everything about your chakra, but you’ll have to do it yourself. I’ll only show you how to start.” She said in a soft tone, taking her daughter’s hand, guiding her inside the house, in the little girl’s clean room. The mother sat on the ground, inviting Nozomi to do the same with her eyes, the woman quietly crossed her legs, waiting for the toddler to do the same, she then took deep inspirations, she calmed her body and mind and her daughter did the same. “Now Nozomi,’ started Amaya in a soft calming voice, “You want to enter your mind. Take deep breathes, each breath will disconnect you more and more from this reality, and slowly make you and your mind one,” she continued in a murmur. You want to feel the infinity of your mind, enter it…

Slowly…

You will feel…

“T…” Dark surrounded her.

“Y…”

The voice of her mother slowly faded in the cold of her thoughts. The little girl felt snow under her feet, but it wasn’t such a bad feeling, just… new, strange. Not knowing what else to do in the utter darkness of the place, the small creature advanced in her journey, step by step. The air had touch of a stormy fragrance, mixed with sweet honey and flowers, it invaded her nose, distracting her for a few minutes of the cold under her feet that was slowly disappearing, letting place to something soft, damp: earth after a delicate day of rain. Icy eyes fixed the small point of light in front of her, a smile filling the previously blank expression. The toddler walked a little bit faster, but still at an acceptable pace to not trip and fall in her excitement. At the end of the tunnel, stood green meadow, the toddler stood at the edge between the dark and the light, her chest rapidly going up and down. A soft, swift wind filled with the fragrance of plants and earth made her strangely long purple hair and long white dress flow in the air in dainty movements.

The toddler cautiously walked in the grassland filled with long fairy trees. Her pure eyes looking at the unknow place with curious and slightly fearful eyes. She wanted her mommy. But mommy said to go find the chakra, so she needed to go find it! The little girl felt courage fill her and she walked trough the valley with a determined face. She could do this, even if she was alone. Purple and blue flowers were blooming around her, long grass touching her shoulders. Her chubby arms were trying to push the grass to help her pass, it was slowly getting easier, the plants getting sparser and sparser. “Aouch!” exclaimed the little girl her eyes immediately watering at the sight of the small rock lodged in her left foot. Crystal tears streamed down her cheeks, small fingers trying to clumsily pull out the little black stone. When she did, only a small amount of blood poured out, reassured, the little creature wiped her tears with the back of her hand, gave a kiss on the wound and continued to walk. Her foot still hurt but she had to find the chakra mommy was talking about. Nozomi couldn’t see any other trees, the grass was dispersed, and the earth was slowly turning to uneven stone. The toddler made sure to not redo the same mistake and very carefully planned her steps. At some point in her walk, she could no more see any vegetation only desolation, it filled her with a strange sense of despair, she felt really alone in this big, wide world. ‘What is this?’ thought Nozomi with wonder, eyeing a small metal star, at first, she almost picked it up, but something told her not to, so she continued her walk. She found more of them and also various object, paper with strange symbols, headbands and metal tools she couldn’t name, but still felt familiar with.

For a few minutes, the child was walking to the top of a grey dull mountain of rock, her legs felt wobbly, not used to such a strain. Slowly she could see the top, the slightly round ground gave her conviction, she could do this. Only ten steps now… She could start to see uncanny forms, a feeling of dread filled the little body.

Five steps… From where she was, she could see the back of a head, the brown hair of it filled with some crusty burgundy liquid. Was the person sleeping?

Four steps… Thousand of little metal stars were scattered on the ground, noticed Nozomi, trying to keep her attention away from the sight in front of her.

Three steps… The sky is rather grey today, thought the little girl, still not looking at the ground

Two steps… be careful to not steps on any rock, she chirped in her head, eyes close

One. Step. What is under my feet, she slowly asked herself, the feeling of a tangible, but crunchy texture impregnating her senses. She moved it around a little, not sure if she should open her eyes and see or not. After a moment, purple lashes let place to icy blue eyes. They slowly dropped down to her feet.

“Aaah…” she murmured her voice strangled. “Ah… So that’s what it was”

.

.

.

Not a sound could be heard, like the wind had stopped a few seconds to observe the show. Her feet stayed in place. Her eyes were wide open, almost bulging out of their socket, veins running through, making the toddler look crazy. Nozomi’s expression was of pure shock. Terror. Disgust. Seconds ticked by. Without a sound. Until…

“Aaaah! Aaah, aaah, aaaah!” a shrill filled the mountain, a shrill that had escaped her small rosy mouth, filled with fright. Nozomi quickly pushed the head out of her view, the detached part of body running down the mountain crashing on a pike, opening itself to the view of the terrorized soul. Its interior spilling out of its cage, the brown eyes looking at the sky without life. The toddler fell on her buttocks, her eyes locked on the sight, she couldn’t look away. Her body suddenly tense, the toddler tried to scramble away, in fright, her hands taking the majority of her weight. While trying to drag herself out of the place, her hands touched something familiar to them. Nozomi, already knowing what was waiting her turned her head slowly, her heart beating faster than ever, a sudden wave of nausea came over her at the sight of the white, rotten hand, a bone sticking out where the arm should have been. The kid brought a hand to her mouth, trying to repress the sickness coming over her, but to her disgust, vomit quickly made its way from her stomach to her mouth, the acid her only warning before the yellow liquid erupted of her body violently, making her convulse from the effort.

Tears started streaming at the same time, like her body decided to release everything on the spot. When she opened her eyes to observe her now sticky yellowish dress, she processed trough her watered eyes the sight before her. It was a battlefield filled with bodies, some still looking humans, others only looking like a puddle of various substances. Some were at the end of decomposition, insects crawling out of them, eyes evaporated, letting their sockets to everyone’s view others seemed freshly killed, their flesh still reddish, blood sipping out of their body. At the sight of a small form, not older than seven without its legs, the pink flesh and bones on sight, Nozomi felt bile appear in her mouth, another wave of vomit shacking her body, stronger than before.

After it, she weakly tried to get up. Once on her two legs, her feet started to run of their own accord, without her even acquiescing to it, like they had a mind of their own and also were scared by the horrible spectacle. She stumbled a few times, tripped three or four times over limbs and metal tool, but she still continued to run through the maze of death. Her mind was screaming, crying, but the emotions, the words, wouldn’t get out of her mouth, the feelings were too afraid to show themselves, so she stacked them in a dark part of her mind, she didn’t want to deal with it now. For the moment, she would only run.

She was lost, panicking because she couldn’t find a view without death. So Nozomi ran faster, with more desperation, she tripped more and more. Until she saw an exit. Two large rectangular doors with an oval top, in old grey stone, filled with cracks and grey plants, dead from the lack of water. An oval arche of the same material was keeping them together, giving it an eery look, like something mystical, older than the world. The toddler couldn’t keep her eyes away from it, it was somehow calming her, giving her a more normal sight to see, to concentrate on. Her body headed to it, slowly, calmly, her mind was blank, not wanting to process what was around her, but only what was in front of her. As the minutes passed and she drew closer and closer, her blue eyes started to discern the small paper on the handle of the door, a small fragile white paper. She grew even closer, at only a few feet and started to see the writing, a fluid, strong and wild black writing. Her face was now at a few millimeters from the paper, blue icy eyes analyzing the characters that felt oddly familiar, but she couldn’t read or understand.

Her small chubby fingers, still trembling from the red, red pictures, approached the sigils, slowly traced over the black ink, feeling the texture of the old, crumbling paper. Her hand slowly wrapped itself around the paper, slowly pulling it, feeling the tip of the paper getting off the wall.

Her body reacted before her mind understood what was happening. It jumped of surprised, then she felt the soft touch of a hand, her eyes drifted to her shoulder where she saw delicate long fingers and varnished nails. A soft fragrance of lavender invaded her nose and her whole being relaxed. Her head turned fully, and she immediately met soft white eyes, a lavender tint making them look more human. Long dark lashes framed them, and sweet glossy lips were stuck in a half-worried grimace, half smile. The stranger observed her some more and Nozomi stayed frozen on the ground, unable to pull away of the firm, but soft grip of the woman. She finally left a soft motherly voice out, “Hello child,” she started with a smile, “are you lost? This is no place for you” she continued with worry in her tone. Nozomi immediately felt at ease “I-I am…” she responded ashamed: she was in front of such a pretty woman with a full of vomit dress, “I n-need to f-f-find chakra.”

A silence followed, the gracious woman still observing her with an air of deep thought. “Come,” she finally said, crouching down and presenting her back, in invitation. Nozomi jumped without a word and clutched the white and purple sweater with her trembling hands, the little girl hid her face in the curve of the kunoichi’s neck and shut he eyes tightly, relieved to not witness again the death surrounding her. Her nose filled with the older one’s perfume and black long shiny hair tickled Nozomi’s cheek for the next several minutes.

“You can open your eyes now,” said the stranger softly after a long, calm walk. The toddler slowly opened her eyes again and looked at her surroundings, she was near the black void where the beautiful blue and purple flowers were, but Nozomi wasn’t able to focus on their sight as she had before, only bloody memories filled her mind. “How should I call you?” asked the strange entity, honey dripping of her voice. “N-Nozomi,” responded the small girl, shy, but overall still scared of what she had seen. “Hope…” said the woman in wonder, “it’s a beautiful name.” “Wh-who ar-re y-you?” said Nozomi after a moment, incapabe of keeping the question inside. “Me?” responded the stranger with a soft laugh, “I’m just an old, old memory of yours, your subconscious called me in your times of need, I suppose I was a maternal figure of sort for you…” continued the stranger, her eyes lost in a shade of melancholy, “let’s just say I’m the one who protects your sanity,” she finally settled on, “I could be called a friend.” “O-oh, okay,” said Nozomi, not fully understanding what her friend had said.

The woman stopped and softly crouched down, indicating that this trip was finished and Nozomi should get off her back. When the toddler touched the grown, her protector simply indicated a direction and said: “There is your chakra, for the moment it’s small, so you cannot see it from here, but it will grow and with it will grow something that represents you. Some are represented by sand, and so a desert will grow, others prefer animals and will be represented by immense animals, resembling summons, but without the intelligence, go find what represents you, find your chakra and go back to reality, you are not strong enough mentally to stay here for more time than necessary. And… be careful, okay?” she asked Nozomi, the small creature nodded and smiled to her beautiful, sweet friend. The woman than disappeared without a trace, a smile on her face.

Nozomi went east, she tried to observe the plants surrounding her to forget her morbid thoughts, but nothing could do, so she settled for numbers, she decided to count the flowers until she arrived at her chakra. After a few minutes the ground became cold again, like in the start, but flowers still lived and then snow appeared, at first it was a thin layer that then became a waist tall mountain of fluffy white water, Nozomi had difficulty to navigate through it, but still managed, the burning sensation of her working muscles made her forget, made her numb. She liked it and continued in hopes to forget the death, the red and the nothingness. The toddler suddenly distinguished at the edge of her vision something blue and shining, liquid but still malleable. Her eye focused on it, it was a small pond, so very small it almost looked like a huge puddle, but it still had this presence, this aura of grandness. Vegetation thrived around it, in the snow, white fluffy flowers could be seen, and small, small tress scattered everywhere around it, but what retained the little one’s attention was one tree. It was small, and fragile, its bark white as the snow and its petals were beautiful, they brought not only color, but power, distinction and… energy. Yes, an immense life energy, only one petal and it seemed like you could wake up from the worst injuries, from the longest comas, only one pink petal. The toddler clumsily walked to the small source of live liquid and tentatively extended her leg, letting her toe slowly soak in the warm chakra. She continued her descent and timidly walked entirely in it, the liquid reaching her shoulders, brushing against her purple hair. Nozomi walked farther in it and extended her hand to the white, white tree, her chubby fingers brushed against the cold, biting snow in the process, but she rapidly reached the pink petal, her fingers brushed against it and she felt a surge of power in her whole being, it felt like electricity, fast, but also cold, biting like snow. Nozomi pulled back her hand against her instincts and let the small flower alone, she didn’t like the thought of eating something like this. Instead, the toddler played in the warm liquid, its shiny hue fascinated the small girl in a way she couldn’t explain. If she had to explain it she would say she felt the same intimate feeling with the chakra that she felt when she looked at her mother or the moon. The moon made her feel so many emotions, at first, she felt fear, but deep down she felt fascination and she couldn’t explain why, it was something so strange. Nozomi played in the chakra and felt a sense of calm, she closed her eyes and stayed still, until:

 _“Feel,”_ said the voice of a man, and without question, she felt, she closed her eyes and she just understood. She understood the way her chakra was, new, but old, like an old tree had fallen and new had grown from it. It was unstable, in search of someone to tame it, but still sage, different older than her, it was unstable, but ready to listen Nozomi’s every order, the chakra felt like a friend to her.

 _“Feel and thrive, feel and grow from it,”_ repeated the same warm voice, but it was louder, closer, screaming in her ears, like the incessant buzzing of a bee. It was harder to dismiss and repeated itself again and again like a broken CD, Nozomi tried to thrive like the voice said, but she couldn’t and more time passed the more she felt a pressure on her shoulders, around, trapping her, closing its walls on her. The melody continued and the toddler’s breath was shorter, cut, she couldn’t control her body anymore, she was on the verge on tears, it felt like someone was scolding her, pushing her around. Her knees buckled under the weight and she fell completely in the small pond. Nozomi opened her eyes in panic only to meet a non-descript female face smiling at her. Only the upper part of her torso and her head could be discerned in the chakra, she seemed almost transparent, her whole being of the color of the water, the shades darker on the edges, like she was an ephemeral being created by the movement of water. The hand of the woman approached the young girl’s face and slowly traced her cheekbone, for Nozomi, it felt like cold water had brushed against her left side, the toddler remained still, not feeling the urge to come back at the surface, the incessant song muffled by the waves. The blue being approached and slowly enclosed the little creature in her arms, in a last hug before murmuring in the trembling girl’s ear: “Do not worry child, only the survivors need to thrive, for the moment, _feel”_

And so, Nozomi felt.

  


*

  


“Shhh, shhhh, everything’s alright my love, everything is okay, mommy is here, okay?” said a soft voice in a soft murmur, only for her daughter to hear. Nozomi opened her eyes in her purple room in the dark of the night, only the moonlight illuminating the place, her mind was numb, like she had woken from a deep, deep slumber. The toddler felt the tears on her tongue, the salty taste she knew so well and then, red struck. Her eyes filled with knew tears and the little creature let a long, broken whimper, her fists took a hold of her mother’s shirt and incontrollable hiccups escaped the small body in rapid succession. In the presence of her mother, the child felt safe and protected and overall was vulnerable. Her body trembled erratically, and she tried to make herself as small as she could in her mother’s arm. Nozomi was mourning for the dead, she was mourning for every single face she had seen on the battlefield and Ayama cried for her now broken daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think about it? I really tried to write about Amaya's feeling concerning her daughter's strange episodes, I think I did it rather well! And I'm sure you all recognized the mysterious woman, where do you think the story will go next?


	4. The meaning behind a shinobi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a new computer!!!  
> Also, I need a beta, if anyone wants to proof read my work pleeeaaase, say so!  
> Now I can write as much as I want and with the quarantine I have a lot of free time to write! I'm super happy :)  
> Please enjoy, I hope this will brighten your day in these gloomy times, remember for those who live in North America, summer is coming soon! Let's hope quarantine is finished by that time  
> Enjoy :)

Chapter 4

Since that regretful night, a lot of things changed. It wasn’t in the way Amaya’s daughter acted or talked, but in the way she held herself. The toddler had now a much older aura, or was it a tired one? Definitely tired, thought Amaya, like something heavy was attached to her and she had to do her normal routine with this new weight. The mother let a long, pensive sight escape her mouth, she was seated in front of Nozomi, in the perfect place to observe her daughter who was trying to write Hiraganas. The little girl had a hard time controlling her movement, the ink splashing everywhere. She now had black hands, but she continued the exercise. Amaya had noticed in the last three days that Nozomi had a knack to enter activities that took lot of concentration, like running, writing, reading – even if it took ages for her to decipher even one word – or even cooking. The dolls who usually would let her imagination loose were now gone, neatly put away in her small toy box and they had stayed untouched for three days.

The mother put down her cup of tea and let herself enjoy the touch if the sun on her calm face, it was such a rare occurrence, in Kiri, the sky was nearly always covered. She was worried, for sure, but that didn’t mean she should let herself stumble in a path of sleepless nights. Nozomi had always been a special kid and she would let her recuperate, Amaya knew her daughter better than she knew herself, Nozomi needed time to mend the wounds. She would be there for her daughter, for sure, but she also knew that her little girl preferred to do this type of things in her own way, without someone constantly getting in her way of healing. Another sight escaped her lips, it was hard, it would always be hard, to have a kid older mentally than the others, but the woman knew she was handling it the right way, but if only her husband could be here, everything would feel a lot easier. Amaya herd the scraping of the chair on the wooden floor and opened her closed eyes, glancing at her now standing daughter. “Mommy, I finished,” she said evasively. “That’s good,” she responded, “why don’t you come here,” continued the mother pointing at her legs. The little creature scrambled eagerly on her mother’s legs and placed herself comfortably in Amaya’s arms. The two stayed silent for a moment, only enjoying the little moment of calm they could share.

“You said you wanted to go outside the other day, would you like to accompany me to see the merchants and buy some food for the week?” asked the mother, in a sleepy, but questioning tone. “Y-yeah, I’d l-like that…” murmured Nozomi in Amaya’s neck. “Well, let’s go sweetie, wash your hands and come back,” said the woman. The toddler did as she was told and ushered inside the bathroom. She quickly came back to her mother who helped her put her shoes and install a strange white bracelet around her wrist. “What is this?” asked the little toddler in wonder, moving the bracelet in front of Amaya’s eyes. “This shows that you are a first class,” said the mother seriously, “don’t lose it, if you do, people may not help you if you are in problems.” “O-okay,” responded the little one, clutching tightly the white shining string. “Now, let’s go,” said the woman, opening the door with the seal.

The two walked for a few minutes in the warm air of the day. Nozomi was walking beside her mother, she looked at every passing person with a fascinated look, everything was new, interesting, enticing. She liked it here, she liked the sound of people talking discretely, mysteriously, like every word murmured was a secret that was meant to be known by only one person. She liked the way people walked, cautiously, silently, graciously, it was a mix of it all. Sometimes, a soft laugh could be heard, quicker than the wind, it disappeared just as fast. Nozomi wanted to be like them, she wanted to act like them, they were her clan, that she knew and for some reason, she also knew that a clan meant family.

The toddler felt a smile bloom on her face at the thought, family, it felt nice. She continued to walk beside her mother until they changed streets and arrived at the marketplace. Various little shops were scattered in the long street made of grey rectangular rocks. The two advanced to a small shop with a display of various aliments outside. Amaya opened the white sliding door and the tinkle of bells announced their arrival in the shop. A woman with light purple hair who was occupied counting money stopped her actions to greet them, until she saw Amaya. The vendor closed her mouth in a tight line and her eyebrows frowned in displeasure, “this isn’t a place for people like you,” she said harshly, her voice cutting, full of disgust. The mother’s face fell in blank mask, “Nozomi why don’t you go look at the other shops outside, I’ll be back soon with our food,” said the woman, her hand pushing her daughter in the direction of the door. The toddler acquiesced rapidly, getting out of the shop hurriedly, she was relieved to be out of the scary woman’s sight.

The little girl was now in the middle of the place, she wasn’t sure where to go or what to do, but she didn’t want to go back inside that store. Keeping that in mind, Nozomi decided to wander in an open building. It was probably the grandest building of the place, in the same traditional style that had the other shops, its curbed roof reached much higher tan the others, it had an L shape form and pillars were replacing walls, making it a complete open space. The floor was white and a stripe of a deep blue colour ran at the edges of it all. The toddler was at first hesitant, this place seemed immense from the child’s eyes, but after walking in it for a second and none of the people in it looking strangely at her, she decided to continue her walk. She arrived in the back where a grand garden was exposed to everyone to see. Tall old trees loomed over a barren green soft floor of cutted grass where a group of people practiced… something

They were all dressed in white. The pants were simple, loose to let them move rapidly and attached tightly around their waist with a blue belt. Their shirts were attached similarly to a kimono, crossed in the front and the sleeves would get larger and larger until the wrist, where the tissue fell loosely in a long, long oval form. All were young, all were boys and all followed the man in front. Nozomi felt hypnotised by his movements they were performed slowly for every child to witness but were still gracious and… _ready to kill._ That, she wanted to know how to do that, her eyes followed the strong movements and she felt a pull. Nozomi advanced and sat on the stairs, looking at t the strange dance they did in wonder. When would her mother show her how to do that? she wanted to know. The toddler observed what they did and it almost felt like her brain was a sponge absorbing all the information: the way they moved, the stance they used, how they would make small clumsy errors. After what felt like a few minutes, the man in front dismissed the small students who said in chorus a loud goodbye and bowed to him. Nozomi looked up at the sky, the sun was way passed its zenith, a lot of time had passed she thought, her body shuffling from discomfort, where was her mommy? The small creature got on her feet and got out of the way, letting the stairs for the older kids to use, not one of them looked at her for more than a few seconds, they were more focused on their conversation with their friends. A small chatter invaded the open space, the students were for most smiling, murmurs were exchanged between friends and they walked just like the woman she had seen in the streets, cautiously, silently. Nozomi looked at them as they were advancing and wondered why her mother didn’t walk like that. A wave of purple haired children got out of the edifice as she was still wondering where her mom was, now only the instructor and Nozomi remained. The man was well built, his purple hair had a few white strands in it, Nozomi thought it was funny because he didn’t seem old, maybe a little younger than her father. The man looked at her briefly before walking out, his aura of power almost crushing Nozomi’s. The toddler felt even more alone, she sat on the floor and waited for her mother to appear. A growing sense of fear and sadness overwhelmed her small body, water was building in her eyes, but she didn’t want to cry. Her face morphed into an ugly grimace, and she waited in the empty space, on the cold floor. The blue stripes of the floor seemed to morph in red puddles of viscous liquid, the little girl let a shaky breathe escape her and brought her hands to her eyes, erasing the changing images of her brain, after letting her eyes wander in different parts of the room and always seeing more red, she settled for the sky who seemed to stay blue no matter what.

When the sun reached the tip of the small tree in front of her, her mother appeared, a tired and preoccupied expression on her porcelain skin, her black hair was falling of her bun and her blue kimono was wrinkled. “Hello sweetheart,” she said, a small smile appearing on her lips at the sight of her daughter. The little girl jumped on her feet and ran to her mother, hugging the woman’s leg with renewed force. Amaya had been preoccupied, she hadn’t thought finding a shop where she would be tolerated would be so long and hard, it was somehow the routine, but each time she did go outside it felt exhausting. The comments, the looks, the whispers, everything was tiring, people didn’t accept her and it made her want to hide in a hole and not come back, but she had a daughter and husband she had to take care of and she couldn’t let the whispers get to her. Amaya let her hand fall on the girls back soothingly and without a word guided the two of them to their house.

As the sun was slowly setting, the mom opened the door to their house. Nozomi entered, her small feet brushing against the mattress, her mother followed and closed the door. As she was getting her shoes off, Nozomi felt the body of her mother tense for a few seconds, making her reach instinctively for her thigh, but nothing was there, strangely. A few seconds of silence and Amaya’s body relaxed, like she had recognized something in the sweet aroma of food enveloping the house and the light coming from the kitchen. Nozomi’s eyes twinkled in wonder as she saw her mother’s black orbs water and shine under the gleaming light of the setting sun, before she had the time to ask what was wrong, Amaya leaped to the kitchen, her black hair flowing behind her hurried form, the toddler only felt a loud thump a reverberate through the floor and heard soft whimpers emanate from their small kitchen. For Nozomi, those sounds were strangers, they unsettled her, for they made her heart squeeze and her throat tighten in an unusual way. She had felt all of those feelings before, but nothing as strong and nothing provoked by only sound, a noise bringing her happiness and sadness. The sound of her mother’s sadness and worry finally flowing out of her body at a fast pace and the sound of the calm and loving murmurs from her father, voice broken, but full of joy. The toddler stayed quiet, knowing for whatever reason that this moment wasn’t one where she was invited, it was one of profound love she didn’t yet understand, it was a moment of rebirth important for the young, but scarred couple. They needed to mend the wounds together just as Nozomi needed to do so for hers.

The little girl approached the kitchen, her feet silent on the floor, she knew where to step, what board made which sound, like she had analyzed before, but she hadn’t. The three-year-old didn’t linger on the though and continued to advance. Arrived at the end of the wall, where the open kitchen was, the toddler looked inside the kitchen, her blue eyes scanning the room in search of her parents. Her orbs landed on the form of the two, it was the most beautiful image she had ever seen, and she would remember it forever. She would remember the tears and she would remember the joy, she would remember their love and she would remember how people could suffer in order to make their loved ones happy, she would remember the burden her mother had to walk with this whole war. She would remember her sacrifice and she would remember her love.

*

From that day, the house felt more alive, Kazu, even if tired and scarred from the war, was full of joy and laughs. Well that was what Nozomi saw, she wasn’t sure if her dad always was like this, but she loved him for making her forget the red each time he was around. After his little encounter in the kitchen with his wife, the man had immediately searched for his daughter, quickly finding her looking at them from the space between the kitchen and the living room.

Kazu had fell on his knees in front of the little girl he could vaguely recognize from two months ago, his eyes had quickly watered after he realized how much time he had lost with her baby. Nozomi’s mind at that point regressed to a toddler’s and, scared at the sight of her father crying, burst into tears, because, even if she was intelligent, she still was a toddler, a simple child. Kazu had panicked when he saw his daughter’s face crunch in an ugly grimace, tears spill from her eyes and hiccups escaping her little mouth. But he hadn’t needed to think much, his daughter had simply jumped in his arms and stayed on him like glue, even going to bed with the couple, until the next morning, when she had woken up screaming, hands scratching her eyes until Amaya had reacted and easily immobilized the girl.

Amaya and Kazu had simply exchanged a look and he had _understood._ He didn’t understand what had happened, and, as he had learned later on, Amaya didn’t know much either, but he was ready to help her daughter, he was a ninja after all, he had passed through something similar. Kazu was a man of few words… usually. Growing in a cold family, where he was shadowed by his younger brother who seemed to be better than him in everything he had been treated quite poorly, nothing abnormal or overly cruel, never physical, but it went deeper and scarred deeper than a physical wound. He had learned to only say the necessary in the fewest words as possible, his superiors sometimes thought he was arrogant and his subordinates felt quite intimidated by his aura, – no he was not smug about it, stop thinking that! – but with his wife and daughter it was quite different. Not that he said a lot more to them, but he was more present, warmer and overall friendlier in his demeanor. So, it wasn’t hard for him to change his daughter’s ideas when her eyes started to shoot between different objects and her breath quickened in an unnatural way. He would simply propose something more time consuming, more interesting and each time she gladly followed him and thanked him with those unnatural eyes of her, so, so piercing, like they could see your soul, like they knew that he also was waking up at night thinking he was being under attack, that he almost killed his wife in a moment of blind fear.

As the days passed, a routine had established in the little family. Kazu would wake up early in the morning, training in the family gardens, waiting for a spike of chakra from her daughter to wake her up from the nightmares that made her nights. He understood the thought process of his wife, she had explained herself well enough to him, but he also knew that even if a child seemed more mature, independent, it also needed support. Amaya for her part had grown up in toughest parts of the city, in the dumpsters where it was killing or being killed and where the freedom of one was determined by how much other feared you. So Kazu understood that the way they saw life was different, her wife was sure that Nozomi needed to pass trough this alone while he was sure that she could need a little push from time to time, something that made her remember she wasn’t alone. That is why he would every day bring her outside and would show her how to cope with the things she had seen, which were still a mystery to him. He tried to show a healthy way to grow from the experience from small acts, habits he showed her, even if he knew he was not one who should talk about healthy ways of coping, he tried for his daughter. They would write, read, draw and cuddle – his favorite part, but you are not supposed to know that.

A week after his return, Kazu had walked out of his house, his daughter on his shoulders. The two went on a walk, a request that had unsurprisingly came from his daughter, Seeing as she still looked outside the window every morning in wonder, he had guessed she felt quite curious about the outside world, or she simply felt trapped in their house. Either way, he had been pleased to pass time with his young daughter. Early in the morning, most of the woman and kid were out, the kids were heading to see their assigned clan teacher and women went for their daily shopping. He was happy to see his little girl so exalted to observe their waking clan. The little creature had eagerly asked his father to go “where mommy g-goes to buy food,” the man had not understood the interest of his little girl in the central place of their compound, but had complied only to see her happy face when small shops started to appear in their traditional glory. His good humor had sobered a little when Nozomi had pointed to the fighting grounds for kids, she seemed so happy to had found the place again that he had said nothing, but a wave of mixed emotions had washed through him. She had begged him to go faster and together they arrived in the front of the gardens where there always was a group practicing the clan’s taijutsu. He had felt her small hands tighten in his hair and her breath stop, like she was in awe. They stayed for a hole hour, he had never seen her quieter than at that moment, like by just seeing them, her problems were resolved. At that simple thought his heart tightened, and his gaze hardened, the instructor had faltered for a few seconds, his stance completely wrong, probably because he had felt Kazu’s burning gaze.

His sisters had never fought, his mother and aunts were the pillar of the family, even if his own parents had never been the more loving ones, he couldn’t imagine a family were the woman wasn’t the caring center of the family. For him and for this whole clan, the only thing keeping the broken pieces of loyalty and love together in this perverted world marred of blood was the woman in the family, the stable loving person who by a simple smile or touch could disperse all hatful thought. The word kunoichi was a disgrace for his ears, not much female ninjas were seen on the battleground, and the only in the field in this village were seductresses, trained to entice their clients. He had seen some female on rare occasion on the battlefield, they were the rare kunoichis who had managed to kill their whole graduation class, like his wife had done, but none were from clans, or a first class at that. He did not know how to stop the growing interest of his daughter in the art of fighting and in a certain way, he did not want to. He wanted her to realize by herself why woman did not fight. Maybe it was time for a visit to his mother house, he did think that his wife was not the appropriate woman to share his concerns, even if she did not want her daughter to fight, it was for completely different reasons and they did not approach the topic often, for it created unnecessary tension, their view of a woman’s place was different and he could accept that.

That day, he had abruptly finished their little walk outside and they had come back to the house were Nozomi had jumped on the floor and had ran to her mother’s arms to explain where they had been. His wife had simply smiled and listened to her daughter’s ramble, she had seemed way happier that afternoon, finally seeing improvement in her little girl’s mood. And here he was, the day after, looking impassively at his little girl practice the same movements she had seen the day before. He had woken up that day just as always, at the same hour as the days before he had decided to walk to the gardens behind the house only to see through the glass door Nozomi. How could he describe her at the moment he saw her…? She was… practicing on her wobbly feet, her posture was bad, her form was horrendous, her arms seemed tired from the work and she was sweating profusely in her pajama. But her eyes were hard, focused, determined, Kazu had always felt an energy, an aura coming from his little girl since he had first seen her, it was something soft intriguing, but now this same previously small aura was heavy, entering his every pore, like a sinuous serpent. Even if she wasn’t good, even if she seemed to almost trip on her own two feet, she had the determination, the strength of a thousand shinobis. He could see in her something he had not seen in a long time and the voice of someone her had wanted to forget for a decade came to whisper to his mind: “The force of a shinobi isn’t counted by how many people he kills, but how many times he will get up to protect those he needs to protect, remember this Kazu, a strong shinobi is defined by that and by nothing else,” The father let a long wobbly sight full of grief and closed his eyes for a few seconds to take control of his emotions again.

As his impassive mask came back, the father advanced to his patio and opened the door, creating a soft sound, his daughter immediately lost her concentration and fell on the ground, a small scream escaping her surprised lips. “Up,” said Kazu in a firm way, Nozomi got up with some difficulty and looked at her father trough her dark purple lashes timidly. “Start again, Nozomi,” he said in a slightly softer voice, but still cutting. The toddler took back her stance, more timidly this time, and started to move the best she could, as she was taking the base stance of this Yuki style taijutsu, Kazu advanced in her direction, “Your legs, crouch a little more,” he said, gaze calculating, he then crouched and slapped lightly her tibia and Nozomi immediately fell on the ground, “open them more, you need to be stable, not to fall, an enemy would’ve killed you. Up.” The girl scrambled on her feet and corrected her posture, “Better, but not good, Your back has to be straight, not leaning to the front,” Kazu saw a small wince pass on her daughter’s face as she tried to correct it, “Stop girl, it is not supposed to be hard, Your hips are all wrong, twist them to the right and try again,” he commented after a small observation. “Stop,” he said after a few minutes, “you look like a Konoha nin, we need to work on other things before starting katas I see,” as he saw his daughter’s eyes water, the father panicked internally, maybe he had been too hard. Nothing in his demeanor showed his stress, but the small twitch of his finger, that was enough of a sign for Amaya to get up, making her presence known. His wife simply ignored him, he could almost feel her smugness radiating as she passed beside him, and crouched beside her daughter, wrapping her arms around her small form. “Now, now, sweetheart,” she started soothingly, with a hint of mischievous amusement in her voice, “Daddy is not mad, hmmm? Okay?” she said, waiting for Nozomi to nod, “he’s a ninja and ninjas sometimes are a lil’ mean, but it’s for the best, it’s for you to know if you’re doing something wrong.” The little girl nodded in her mother’s shoulder and her breathing slowly calmed, when Nozomi seemed composed, she turned around and looked at him, a renewed glint in her blue eyes, “Help,” she simply said, “help me get better,” she continued in a firmer tone, “You can be a b-big mean-ny if it’s to h-help me.” Kazu simply chuckled at the statement and ruffled her hair before going inside to take a small glass of water and making an escape to the training grounds.

Now, the two women of the family were together, cooking a delicious breakfast. They than ate, the two knowing Kazu would stay training at least until noon today. After, Nozomi asked her mother to teach her to read, Amaya was pleased to see how easily it came to her daughter. The little girl seemed to absorb the information, Amaya would read books to her and sometimes she would listen to the toddler’s pitiful tries at reading books, always cutting her short and correcting what she said, but the little girl seemed to listen intently to her every word, so it didn’t really bother the mother. Amaya was considering informing her little daughter about sealing theories, she seemed to be advancing well, but not enough for her to consider showing her how to seal, they would only talk about it. It was a thought that stayed for the rest of the day, but Amaya wasn’t sure if she wanted to act on it, but in the end she decided that it would hurt no one to at least see if her daughter was interested in the subject, maybe she would try to talk about it next week… For the moment she would simply enjoy the moment she had with her little sweetheart.

The day passed and the next morning, Nozomi woke up before the sun was up, she silently opened her wardrobe and decided this time she would try to put clothes like her daddy’s. The toddler was feeling excited and nervous, she liked the thrill of the challenge, surprising her parents was so fun! So she made sure to stay silent, like that no one in the house would know she had woken up to train! What she did not know is that this time her two parents had heard her, the two had woken up and looked at each other with a knowing look before going back to sleep. After choosing black pants and a blue silk shirt, the only things that weren’t for sleep that were adequate for training, her wardrobe was full of beautiful dresses, but nothing else, Nozomi entered the bathroom, a decided, but still scared look on her face. She was scared her mommy would scold for this, since she liked so much her long hair, but the toddler had decided she wanted to cut her hair that morning and she would do it! She clumsily opened the drawer and found a pair of scissors, she didn’t take the big scary ones, no just the small black ones that she used to cut her paper figurines not so long ago. A lump formed in her throat, but she still decided to do it, she wouldn’t back down now! Slowly, she felt her hair falling on the ground in a cascade of purple and red hair. The girl closed tightly her eyes, it reassured her to not look, maybe it would be really ugly? She hoped not! She continued and heard the continuous sound of closing scissors, please make it pretty she thought. When she felt there was nothing else to cut, Nozomi opened her eyes, she looked curiously at her reflection and moved her head from one side to another, a few strands were still long, making it all look like she had really done this with closed eyes, but Nozomi quickly cut them to her hair’s average length. When she finished, the toddler really looked and a cute smile bloomed on her lips; she like it, it was not as pretty as she thought it would be, but it still was good enough and made her look older – a voice cackled evilly in her head – yeah maybe she did still look like a cutie pie, she conceded, with that cheek fat she had, she admitted to herself, but still she thought she looked way cooler than before. Now… there was only one small problem… that hair on the floor, she had to hid it, didn’t she?

Omake

How Nozomi made the hair disappear…

Nozomi was crouching in front of a stray cat in front of her house, her face really worried. The small white kitten was looking at her in wonder.

\- H-hey kitty, c-come here please?

It did not move, so the little girl advanced slowly towards it, a hand suspiciously hidden behind her back.

\- H-here, I have a present for you, please take it? She said pleadingly

Her right hand appeared, a lump of purple hair in it. She slowly put it in front of the cat and retreated, encouraging him to eat it with her blue eyes.

\- E-eat, s’for you.

The cat didn’t move, it observed the lump and tentatively approached a paw to touch it, before retreating it. Nozomi, desperate, advanced again to get to the lump of hair, she took it and then… quickly snatched the cat who weakly protested, only a small miaw escaping his mouth. She then softly shoved the hair in the cat’s mouth, and retreated to her house, running like a bull was chasing her. The cat protested loudly and regurgitated it all on the ground, to then escape this place, people were crazy around here.

A few days later, Amaya was gardening in front of the house and found a suspicious purple ball on the ground… She’d have to talk to Nozomi about harassing cats…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After reading the first chapter, I saw a flaw in Amaya's statement, she first said she would give her daughter training, then in the second chapter she said no and than we learn girls can't really fight in the Yuki clan... I'll have to go change that :p  
> Did you like the little bonus I made at the end of the chapter? I thought it was pretty funny, but I'm not the funniest person, so how would I know if you liked it too :)


	5. Rising Tensions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozomi is healing. Something is preparing behind their backs and the little family does not know how to react.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I'm posting this, I am in qurantine in Canada, I ask you to please be careful and help the people around you while keeping your distance. Go on walks, you can write and read fanfics on ao3! Right now a lot of writers are giving their best efforts to write fics and if they help you while you are in quarantine, please say so to the authors, I'm not just saying this for myself.  
> With that said, please enjoy this chapter!

Nozomi was a sensible child, she cried a lot because she understood a lot more than other kids. In the last month, she had felt really sad because she knew her daddy, even if he helped her, didn’t want her to fight. That is why, a month after she had cut her hair – which had made her dad stare impassively and her mother cry in dismay – Kazu had brought her to his mother house. The man wanted her to see the two side of the coin, he had come to tolerate his daughter interests and, on rare occasion, appreciate her determination, but he wanted her to see what she could have even if she didn’t go on the battlefield. He had taken that decision after a decision that made him doubt everything he knew about mindscapes, a turning point of sort for him in the way he wanted to deal with the situation at hands. He had joined his daughter after her morning “training” if you could call it that – really, it looked more like a kid tripping everywhere – and had sat on the chair, his hands resting on the table, and had invited her to join him with a simple look. When she finally sat, the father had stayed silent for a few minutes, he knew how to keep his soldier’s attention and had found that it worked just fine with his daughter.

When he knew she was all ear for him, Kazu took a deep breath and asked the question he had been burning to ask his perceptive daughter, because he knew she wasn’t dumb enough no to have thought about that, but he still needed a confirmation, “Do you know what entails fighting, do you know what every person knowing how to fight should be?,” he asked, his tone flat. The little girl felt a small lump form in her throat, because she felt this was more important than it looked, but she quickly took back control of her emotions and sat straight, her chin high in the air, trying to look the more confident she could, “They should be ninja and fight for their comrades,” she said without a stutter. Kazu sighted, “Yes they should be ninja, no, they fight for the village, not for their comrades,” he paused, letting that sink in for his daughter, she needed to remember the lesson he was about to give, “You don’t fight for your comrades, you fight for the Mizukage, if your comrades are putting the mission in danger, you abandon them, that’s the way we work,” he said coldly, at that statement he saw he little girl’s eyes harden and her hand crisp, but she stayed silent, like she knew arguing would lead to nothing. Nozomi simply said, “to each one their own values,” in a low, almost shy murmur, but he knew her enough to know she was convinced his view was wrong, but he let it pass, this wasn’t the point of the conversation. “Now, do you know what shinobi do?” he asked, this time Nozomi really stopped to think about it. “They kill and protect,” she finally settled on, but she saw after a few seconds that it was not the answer her father was searching. “Shinobis fight, always, it’s in their nature to go to war and to kill, it is not a question to protect, not always, shinobis are like animals who will sink their teeth in whatever they find to appease their needs. After a few years of peace, without a doubt tensions will rise, ninjas will need to satisfy their urge to kill. If you become a ninja, a shinobi, you will see the horrors of death. You will see war.” Nozomi paused, sensing the gravity of the statement in the air, “are you ready to see death itself Nozomi?” Kazu asked coldly, it was not time to show affection, this was a more than serious topic. “I have already seen it,” he heard in low murmur, Nozomi was looking at him with those eyes of hers, and they seemed so lost. Sensing his confusion, Nozomi specified, “I saw the death and the red in my head,” she simply said to him. And that was that. Their conversation finished, when after a few minutes, he simply nodded in her direction and got up.

This was a revelation he wasn’t sure how to process. He had thought about it for a long time, it added up to her behavior, but his question was how much she had seen? He was… strangely nervous about the whole situation. Nervousness seamed to appear more and more since he had learned about the small body growing in his wife’s belly. He let a small sight escape his lips, maybe that was what entailed being a father.

The man readjusted his flat jacket and knocked on his mother’s door. After a few seconds, small quiet steps were heard, and the door opened to reveal the face of a strict woman. She looked at him with cold eyes – it made no sense for her son to be here – before letting her gaze slip to the small girl clutching his hand. At the sight of her, the woman opened the door for the two to pass inside, she may not want to talk to her son, but his child did not have to bear the consequences of her parent’s actions. Keomi signaled with a movement of her head for them to follow her, the group arrived in a quiet room and with her accord, everyone sat on the grey mats. She opened her blue eyes and dived into her son’s eyes.

“Hello son. what is it that brings you to my house” she asked, making sure to keep her voice neutral. “Hello mother,” he started, “I am here to ask for you to please consider my humble request.” “And what would that be,” she said inquisitively. “My daughter here would like to experience the life of a woman of our clan,” he responded. Keomi was no naïve woman, at the sight of her granddaughters almost completely concealed surprise, she knew that this was not her idea, but she still did not find the strength in her to refuse the request, “I imagine that this wife of yours couldn’t give her that.” Kazu’s body tensed at the passive-aggressive comment, but simply nodded. “Very well, I shall take her under my wing, she must come here every day, but the Thursdays, before the sun comes up,” she said sternly, challenging him to contest her request, “And leave her with me for today,” she added at the end.

Kazu immediately relaxed and got up, softly, he ruffled his daughter’s hair in a reassuring way before letting the two girls alone. He knew his mother would take good care of her, even if she didn’t like him anymore.

Nozomi was now alone in the room with the mildly scary woman, the toddler felt her gaze on her, and she squirmed uncomfortably on the mat. “U-um, h-h-hello m-miss,” she said, stuttering more than usual. Keomi’s eyes softened for a moment before taking back their usual coldness, “Huh, so you can say a few words,” she said in a neutral tone, “Up, little miss, now follow me,” she took a pause to get up, her silky blue kimono following perfectly her every move, “and don’t wander around,” she added curtly. Nozomi quickly nodded her head and scrambled on her feet to follow the intriguing woman. The toddler did her best to walk as gracefully as the older woman did, in a certain way, the little girl felt like an ant compared to the person in front of her. The woman had an aura of no-nonsense, Nozomi wouldn’t dare make her loose her time. The woman stopped in the open kitchen and turned to look at Nozomi’s form, “Now, go sit, you are probably hungry,” she said and then advanced to the kitchen to cook. The small creature did as she was told and stayed in silence for the next 30 minutes, looking in wonder at the cooking woman, what was she doing here? What would she be doing here every day? Who was this woman?

“Here,” the woman said while putting a plate of steaming food in front of the little girl, “now eat and let’s talk.” Nozomi ate the delicious and immediately felt more at ease, at that moment, the woman didn’t seem so mean. “My name is Keomi, I am your grand-mother,” she said. Hearing that fact, the toddler looked at the woman with a renewed curiosity, she had never asked or wondered about the rest of her family, she had deduced that if her parents didn’t want to talk about them, it was for a good reason, now she reconsidered that. “I do not know why your father has come to me, I do not know in what I could benefit you, I will show what I feel like showing you, but now, tell me, what would you like me to show you?” She asked, her eyes calculating. Nozomi chewed her food while considering the question; logically, she knew she couldn’t ask to learn how to make pretty ice like those men had created, but she wanted to learn something useful, but not knowing much about the ways of a ninja, she didn’t know what to ask. The little girl swallowed her food, “I want to be a n-ninja, Keomi-san, can y-you help m-me?” she settled on asking her grand-mother. The woman looked at the little girl coldly “Call me obaa-san or Keomi-sama,” she simply said, not answering the question.

After some time, when the little girl had eaten half her plate, Keomi got up and leaved Nozomi in the kitchen. The toddler looked at her disappear and stayed in the kitchen to finish her food in silence. After a few minutes Keomi reappeared, various scrolls in hand. She simply put them on the table and sat in front of the girl. Nozomi immediately understanding that she should stop eating and listen carefully, set her chopsticks on the table and looked at her grandmother expectantly. 

“I may not be a ninja, little miss, but I know very well how a ninja survives and thus I will put all odds to your advantage. Not a lot of woman have had the desire to fight in this clan, it is a taboo subject, you must not talk about this, not even to your parents. Am I clear?” she asked harshly. Nozomi felt a shiver run through her body, “Y-yes Keomi-sama,” the toddler responded in a stuttering, but confident voice none the less. “Now come,” the woman said not waiting for a response before getting up and walking out of the room. Nozomi quickly ran after her and entered the garden of the house situated in the middle of the rectangular building. Keomi invited the girl to sit with a simple look and then started to talk.

“Shinobis must survive by all cost and knowing how to deceive others under innocent looks may be your only salvation if you are in life or death situation. Knowing key aspects of cultures and villages may also help. Every bit of information that will enter your skull in these next months may one day save your life, so listen! You will be able to play outside later, now is not the time, little miss.” Nozomi jumped of surprise and immediately refocused on the woman in front of her and not on the beautiful flowers in the garden. Keomi opened a wide scroll and placed it on the grand lectern, “This,” she said while pointing a small island, “Is Uzushio, by far the friendliest, but deadliest country. If you must run, go there, it’s a simple way for you to find protection,” the elderly said in an almost mocking voice.

Nozomi felt her face crunch in wonder and at that sight Keomi let a dry laugh, “Oh, so you don’t know?” she said in an amused voice, “what a turn of event, who would’ve thought,” she commented, but oh well, this was not what she was going to teach the girl today, she would let that problem to her parents. “I hope you can understand well enough what I’m saying, because I will not be going back on the subject, today we will be talking about Uzushio and their culture, politics and weaknesses.”

That day, the little girl learned a lot. She felt like a sponge, she was thirsty for the knowledge and she loved learning, but even if she had facility to retain information, she hadn’t been able to remember all. A few bits of information had already been forgotten and she was scared that a small fact would be forgotten, and she would be killed because of that. A knot formed in her throat at the thought, even at her young age, she understood mostly what death entailed and she was deeply scared of it, in an unnatural way for a toddler. As Kazu closed the door to their house, Nozomi quickly took off her shoes and ran to her room in silence. The little girl jumped on her bed and looked at her wall absently until her eyes locked with the corner of a blue book peeking out from under her bed, her blue eyes opened in realization and a big goofy grin adorned her face. Like a giddy toddler, Nozomi got off her purple sheets and took a stack of the paper she used to draw on, pencils and the small blue book. The little creature settled to work on her floor and placed everything in front of her, her face all excited. But then she blocked, how was she supposed to create a code? Her mother said no one should be able to decipher it, how could she do a code as good as that? Her head swirled in insecurities, but she took a calming breathe and got the first sheet out, to be undecipherable she needed to make it completely different from her own language, a frown bloomed between her two eyebrows and her eyes closed in concentration. To have a good code, she needed to forget everything she knew about her own language, to make words similar to the kanjis used to design an object. She wanted her code to be intricate, with a lot of unnecessary decorations, she could write from the top of the page to the bottom. She also needed to write rapidly, so maybe relied words, like a continuous line? Yes, she liked the sound of it, one continuous line and depending on the curves it made or the points and lines it had around it, it would make words and verbs. She had a lot to think about, but this was a good start. And on that thought, Nozomi worked on what would be remembered as the great mystery of the next hundred years: The book of the Cursed Diviner

*

The next morning, Kazu had brought his daughter before the sun was up, just like he had promised he would do. Nozomi was clutching on her chest her blue book and some spare paper. As they arrived in front of the door, Keomi opened her door and invited the little girl to enter without sparing a glance to her son. As the door closed and they headed to the gardens, the elderly woman let a long sight escape her lips, “It’s too early in the morning for me to show whatever I’ll show you today little miss. Go play in the gardens or something,” she said to Nozomi, she wasn’t a morning person and she wasn’t sure why she had thought she would be able to wake up every day before the sun and teach her grand-daughter, but now the mistake was made and damn her if she went to see her son to ask him to come later. “Haï Keomi-sama,” responded Nozomi quietly.

The older woman sat on the chair and it seemed to the little toddler that she looked much older than usual, like she hadn’t had time to prepare herself and reassemble her strength to brave the day. Respectfully, Nozomi did not comment about her grandmother’s state and went in the gardens to practice her katas. To Nozomi’s frustration she hadn’t made much progress in the last month and it was starting to really crush her hopes that she would one day prove her dad she could do it, she could become a ninja.

As she was doing the same movements and tripping again and again Nozomi’s thought wandered to the darkest places of her mind, the three-year-old was sad. It was a fact and the feeling appeared each time she was around her parents, she loved them, but she could feel the worried gaze her mother sent her way and the look of almost desperate disapproval, like he was pleading her to stop what she was doing at the instant, of her father, it made her feel guilty. She didn’t want them to worry or be sad about her dreams for the future, but at the same time she didn’t understand what she was doing wrong and it made her want to cry because she wanted her parents approval and it was hard, so, so hard to not have their usual encouraging love with her at every step she made towards her objective, her dream.

As she was falling more and more in the penumbra of her mind, hints of red started to appear in the edge of her vision. But a harsh voice came to get her out of the troubling waters of her imagination, “What do you think you’re doing, little miss?!” Keomi said while getting up, her back suddenly straight again and her look cool and calculating. The woman approached the lost kid in the middle of the garden, “What is that stance?” she said more harshly, but the toddler knew she wasn’t supposed to responded to that question. “You are no man,” she continued more softly, “as a woman your center of gravity will develop lower, at your hips, this stances won’t work with you in the long term and you’re a toddler at that, you can not copy the movements you saw I do not know where,” she settled on saying to her granddaughter. “Now find a better way to adjust those movements to your height, the problem here, little miss, is that you try to copy what you see and you should try to adapt it to yourself and make it an advantage, not a disadvantage.”

At those words Nozomi felt like a huge boulder had been taken off her shoulders, the toddler looked at her grandmother’s stern face and a small warm feeling seemed to bloom in her heart at the sight. She may like the woman more than she had thought, she seemed nice in her own way.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” asked keomi, “Get back to work, I don’t have time to waste!” she exclaimed.

Nozomi giggled and took back the base stance, but this time she tried to change, modify it. Instead of looking like an overly gracious style, what she seemed to create seemed to be fiercer. As she looked up, the toddler saw a stern, but approving look and her small heart seemed to jump from happiness and surprise.

“I do not have the knowledge to help you, little miss, but I may know who could help you. You may not know this, but there are a lot of woman like you in the clan, if they cared to listen to my request, they may come and teach you some things, who knows,” said Keomi in wonder.

She had seen on few occasions the complicity that some wives seemed to share and in her younger years, her sister was one of those, the hidden ones. It wasn’t rare for someone who wasn’t supposed to, to take interest in the fighting arts, but it wasn’t talked about and some of those women would encounter and exchange knowledge behind their husband’s back. Keomi sighed, she hated asking for favors, but one of those women owed her, it would be easy enough to find her and ask if she could come and teach her granddaughter the Yuki’s taijutsu.

Tuesday passed and that day, Nozomi hadn’t learned much, her grandmother had seen her work on her codes and had stayed silent, simply saying she would let her work on it for the rest of the day and she disappeared of the gardens, only reappearing to usher Nozomi inside when it started to rain abundantly. This time around, Keomi had brought to the street near her house and had let her there, the little toddler was surprised and a little scared to walk alone to her house, even if it was only for a few seconds, never had her parents let her alone in the streets, but it seemed her grandmother had different views on what a child her age could and couldn’t do.

As she arrived in the house, she heard the voice of her dad and her mom silence themselves, like they didn’t want her to listen to the conversation. Before Nozomi could feel strange about it, her mother arrived and gave her a long hug, “How was your day sweetheart?” she said soothingly.

“Mommy!” Exclaimed Nozomi, snuggling in her arms, Amaya felt her heart flutter, it had been a long time since her daughter had been so happy to see her. As she was placing herself in the crook of her mother’s neck, Nozomi mumbled, “it was n-nice, like yesterday-y, I lik-ked it.”

Amaya took her daughter to the kitchen where her husband was cooking and humming like it was a normal day. “And what did you do this time?” she asked.

Nozomi gulped and hid further in her mother’s neck, “J-just like yesterday, mom, c-cooking and gard-dening,” she said, the lie letting a bitter taste in her mouth.

“That’s nice,” responded the mother while putting her daughter on the mat in the living room and she saw in her daughter’s hands the blue book and the papers full of strange lines. Her breathe hitched for a second in surprise, but she quickly released it, not making further comments. “Darling,” she said to catch her husband’s attention, “why don’t you go see what’s going on with that little problem you have, I can continue the dinner, Nozomi and I have to talk for a few hours.”

Kazu nodded and quickly walked to his room and in a few seconds, he was out in his ninja gear. Amaya went into the kitchen to watch the rice, the woman leaned on the counter and looked at her daughter.

“You’ve started to code?” she asked with a small smile. Nozomi looked at her mother shily and nodded. “That’s good,” the mother said, searching the good words. “My mother helped me for my code, but I see that you seem okay.” Nozomi nodded again, not understanding where this was going, “my mother showed me something else, would you like to learn it?” she asked, evaluating her daughter’s reaction.

Nozomi looked at her mother curiously, “U-um, yes,” she said, not to sure what she would learn, but nonetheless interested, she was still learning to read and write – she was good, but there were so many kanjis that she had yet to learn – but she was always ready to learn other things.

The mother chuckled lightly at her daughter’s expression, “you don’t need to be scared sweetheart, it’ll be fun, I will show you the art of seals,” she said reassuringly. The little girl approached her mother and sat in front of her, in the middle of the kitchen.

“The seals are the art of the words. It’s the way you assemble various Kanjis and shapes to create a whole new meaning to the previously alone words,” said Amaya, a glint of mirth in her eyes. “I can give you books to read, a should have a few things for kids,” she said while humming in wonder. Ayame disappeared with a smile to the office and came back minutes later with two, small, worn out books and ink with a brush. “Give me your notebook,” she said while holding her hand expectantly. Nozomi quickly gave it to her and looked with curiosity at her mother. Amaya opened the blue cover and on the last page started to write something, her brows furrowed in concentration and after a few seconds, the woman put her finger over the page and a bright, but small light appeared. “It’s the only time I’ll interfere in your notebook, but here look, you can now store a few books or scrolls in it,” she said while showing to Nozomi how she entered the smaller one.

The toddler looked at the seal with amazement, how could it do that? It seemed unrealistic to think that the book was there, but she couldn’t see it. Where did it go? Could she take it back or did it disappear? “Read the books when you’ll have the time and after that I can start to show you a few things sweetheart.” Amaya gave the notebook back to her little girl and Nozomi stared at the drying in wonder for the rest of the night.

*

In the dark of their room Amaya was shuffling in the bed, a question burning her lips. She knew her husband was waiting for it as he always did, so she took an inspiration for courage and his hand for reassurance and jumped in, hoping this time they wouldn’t fight because of it and he would say what was bothering him so much.

“Why… what is bothering you so much, did something wrong happen today?” she murmured in the dark. She felt his hand tense and the woman knew something was wrong, her husband never lost his composure so easily.

“Mizukage-sama is acting strangely and I’m not sure if this is a bad thing,” he said while looking to the roof of their room

Amaya knew he was lying, she could read between the lines, her husband was sure these were bad news for them, but he didn’t want to make her nervous. Amaya decided to not push for answers, she simply squeezed his hand and tried to sleep, but she stayed awake all night. Something was preparing.

*

Tuesday, Nozomi came to Keomi’s house and the two went to cut some flowers to make a bouquet, “I don’t want to teach you more for today, this is to much for my old brain,” had said her grandmother and Nozomi had thought it was pretty funny.

“Go cut those ume flowers with these scissors,” had said Keomi

“O-okay Keomi-sama,” responded Nozomi, taking the scissors with a wide smile on her face, those flowers were so beautiful she wondered what they would do with them.

For the next half-hour, Nozomi was careful to cut the flowers perfectly, just the right length and making sure to not damage the petals. Nozomi found the activity surprising therapeutic and she was happy her grandmother had had that wonderful idea. When the little girl had enough, she quickly ran to her grandmother in the kitchen and carefully placed the flowers on the table.

“Keomi-sama! I f-finished!” she said happily. The woman turned around, letting the food behind and advanced to the table, carefully examining every single one of the beautiful pieces.

“This…” she said, taking a moment of silence which made the toddler more nervous, “is good little miss, you did well,” she turned around and surprisingly ruffled the short hair of her granddaughter.

As her hair was disheveled, Nozomi felt a lump form in her throat and her eyes started to sting abnormally. She was relieved, happy and sad, a wave of emotions pierced through her defenses and she felt so, so relieved that someone had been genuinely proud of the work she made. At the sight of her granddaughter’s glistening eyes, Keomi crouched and examined her, she had had eight kids, she knew how to deal with sensible girls.

“What is going on Nozomi-san?” she asked slowly, her voice stern, but loving in its own hidden way.

The little girl hiccuped and a little glistening tear slowly slid down her cheek, “I-I-I don’t kn-know,” and when she admitted that she did not understand this strange feeling in her, the small three-year-old cried more.

Keomi opened her arms slightly for the toddler to cradle on her lap and she went to sit on a chair in the kitchen, “You must’ve felt alone for a long time, ne Nozomi?” she said in soft tone while stroking her short purple hair. “It must be hard for you to be so intelligent,” she said her eyes loosing their brightness to contemplate old memories, “sometimes, people can’t seem to see the heart that you have, the pure heart of a child.” Keomi pushed her granddaughter just enough for her to contemplate her red, watery eyes, “kids like you have a difficult life because they understand to much, but when your thoughts seem to drown you and you think you are suffocating remember what is in here,” she said while touching the middle of her chest, “the pure heart of someone who is a victim of this world of blood and gore, you are a child Nozomi and even if my son forgets it sometimes when he looks at you, you are only a child and not a monster in creation. Don’t forget who you are,” she finally said.

The woman took one of the flowers in the stack and brought it in front of Nozomi’s saddened eyes, “these flowers are called Ume flowers, this one is for you,” she said while putting it in her granddaughter’s hands, “they represent a pure heart and I think they suit you.”

As Nozomi felt her emotions settle, she also felt the red slowly disappear of her mind and retract itself far away, now to weak to scare her.

“Thank you ‘baa-san”

*

Thursday arrived and Nozomi had put the Ume flower in a small vase near her window, she really wanted to go see her new friend or her grandmother, really she wasn’t sure if her grandmother could be her friend, but she hoped so. But today was the day she wasn’t supposed to go, so she only sat in front of the living room window and watched the kids play outside.

Her father approached from behind and stopped to look at his bored daughter. “Why don’t you go play with them outside?” he asked.

Nozomi turned around and a huge smile bloomed on her face, “R-Really!” she said excited.

Before her father could respond, Amaya cut in, “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said, looking at her husband with a pointed look. Nozomi’s face immediately lost its joy and she turned back to look at the kids outside bored and disappointed. Amaya, seeing her daughter’s face deflate in such way quickly added, “but we could ask the neighbour if she would bring you with her daughter to the central place.”

At that thought, Nozomi’s blue eyes opened wide in excitement, she could return to the place with a lot of shops! “Come with me and let go see when they were planning to go today,” said her mother, already advancing to the doorway, Nozomi followed behind her and put her warm raincoat to go outside.

The two girls walked to the house next door and Amaya knocked on the brown door, after a few seconds, a small woman opened. Her hair was in an intricate bun and she was wearing a blue and purple kimono with a black obi. Her face seemed surprised at the sight of the woman with black hair.

“Ah! Hello Amaya-san,” she said in a sweet tone while smiling widely.

“Hello Yuki-san,” responded her mother more quietly.

The woman looked around the streets and than gave her attention back to her mother, “what can I help you with,” she said urgently, but still keeping the wide smile.

“I know you and your daughter go to the central place everyday, would you consider taking my daughter with you this time?” she asked, a fake smile plastered on her face.

“Of course, Amaya-san, we were just heading out, you can let your daughter in my care,” she said, her tone sweet as honey.

“Oh, but she doesn’t have her bracelet with her, and aren’t you bothered she isn’t wearing a kimono?” asked Amaya quickly.

“Non-sense Amaya-chan,” she said before taking harshly Nozomi’s hand, “Chinami, come here!” screamed the woman. A little girl in traditional dress appeared shyly behind the door and looked at Nozomi strangely. “Come Chinami, let’s go. Amaya-san everything is fine, I’m going to take good care of your precious daughter,” she said loudly to Amaya while she was walking out of her house, Nozomi’s hands tight in her grasp.

The toddler was a little disconcerted but followed non the less while her mother smiled reassuringly to her. “Who is that, mom?” asked the older child while pointing at Nozomi.

“Just someone I have to take with me, don’t bother talking to her darling,” said the woman to her daughter. Nozomi stayed quiet, not knowing what to say.

The trio advanced and the little girl quickly forgot about the mean words the woman had said, instead looking around her at the street she had never seen before. And was that an Ice gate?! How pretty she thought as they passed it and arrived in strange territory for Nozozmi. For various minutes it was total silence before they arrived in new, stranger streets, they seemed less… pretty? Nozomi didn’t know how to explain it, but she imagined a bad giant had arrived and punched a few houses because a lot were looking hurt. The toddler didn’t have time to think about it since the woman was walking faster and Nozomi had to run to keep up with her.

“Now Chinami,” started the older woman as they arrived in wider streets, “these are more dangerous streets okay? Don’t leave my side.” As she was saying that the woman untied hers and Nozomi’s hands, “You, follow,” she said to the toddler. Finally, they arrived in what was a huge street with a lot of shops and a few people shopping, maybe it was not a good hour to shop? Thought Nozomi. They passed various people who looked at them strangely, a hint of something Nozomi didn’t like in their eyes.

“Little girl,” the woman said sweetly to Nozomi, a wide smile on her face, “You see that wall there,” she continued while pointing at the brown wall of a shop in the distance, “Go there, you seem tired. Oh can you understand me?” she asked with curiosity, “you are so young, I don’t think so. Why did that whore let me with you?” she asked again to herself, “Oh well, who knows, go there,” she said while pointing at the same wall in the distance. Nozomi looked at the woman badly, but decided to follow her instructions, she was an adult after all she should listen to her. As she was walking alone in her black pants and blue pajama top, people did not seem to spare her a glance like before and so Nozomi felt way more at ease this way, maybe the woman had been right, she was better waiting on that wall.

Nozomi installed herself on the wall and sat on the floor slowly, time passed, and the toddler started to feel alone and, had they forgotten her? She hoped not, she was a little bit scared, more and more people were entering the wide street as the time passed and they all triggered something in Nozomi, a feeling that made her want to run, but she stayed there and waited. Finally, she decided to get up and maybe walk around a bit, she couldn’t feel her legs anymore.

As she was walking a wide hand took hold of her shoulder firmly, Nozomi jumped in surprise and looked at the brown, full of dirt hand and… was that blood?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think now its rather obvious where Amaya comes from, but you still don't know her backstory hehehe... If you want to try guess do so, I'll be a great distraction for me, since it will only be discovered way later in the story when Nozomi will understand her mother's code :)  
> Also, tensions are rising, I'm seeing it like a balloon, at one point there will be too much air and it will explode.  
> I always love seeing your opinions and comments, please talk to meee, I'm all alone in this isolation :(


	6. Sweet Oblivion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozomi gains, but after all.  
> Nozomi loses.  
> Always.

As she looked up and turned around and suddenly the sense of deep horror rising in her deflated. Ah short sight of reassurance when she saw behind her a child older than her by a few years, covered in dirt and crass with a few holes in his shirt.

“Are you okay,” he said to the small toddler when he saw he had her attention, “what are you doing here alone?”

Nozomi thought his voice was to gruff for a kid, like hadn’t drink water for some time and his throat was as dry as the desert. “U-um, I was wai-iting for so-someone, but they don’t s-seem to be coming,” at the end, her voice was an octave higher and constricted like she wanted to cry, but the toddler tried to repress her tears.

“How old are you?” he asked, a frown forming between his thick blond brows. Nozomi showed him her three chubby fingers to answer and the child seemed surprised at the fact. “Do you think they will come back?” he continued asking and the little girl genuinely didn’t know, but she preferred to say no. She had waited enough.

Before she could respond a band of little kids arrived in the street surrounding the older blond one. “Who’s that Souta-nii?” asked one while pointing at her childishly. “Is she coming with us?” asked a little girl with long brown hair. The two others stayed silent and looked at her suspiciously.

“Maybe I’m not sure,” he said to the little girl.

“C-can I come with-th you?” asked Nozomi quietly while clutching her pyjama top between her small fingers.

“You can go play with the kids for a while, stay near to see if you’re parents will come,” he said to Nozomi. Before she could rectify his assumption, the kids were already dragging her in the smaller streets to play.

“My name is Arata,” said the more outgoing one of the three, “I’m five,” he continued proudly. The brunette girl followed his example, a small blush dusting her cheeks, “I’m Momochi Megumi and I’m also five.” The two other boys stayed quiet for a few seconds before Arata, the outgoing one with short brown hair, gave them a pointed look. “Eito” said the taller one with orange hair, “Fumihiro and I’m seven,” finally said the last one.

“I-I’m Nozomi and I’m three,” she said to them a shy smile on her face, she had never had a conversation with kids her age and it made her timid and nervous inside.

“You’re the youngest one,” said Arata a big smile on his face, “so you’re the baby of the group!” Megumi took her small hand and the three, Megumi, Arata and her, started to run to some weird dead end while Eito and Fumihito were walking slowly behind. As they arrived the dirty, but joyous kid Arata proposed to play ninja, Nozomi would be the princess that had to be protected, Megumi and he would protect her and the two older kids Eito and Fumihiro would be the bad meanies. The two older children looked a little bored, but when they started playing, a pleasant smile bloomed on their normally stern face.

Nozomi thought it was a lot of fun and she smiled and laugh for the rest of the day until the sun started to set, she felt happy and it was fun. She had wanted friends for a long, long time, but it seemed her parents were scared of the children of the clan and so, she couldn’t wander outside alone in hopes to make friends.

When the sun passed its zenith, the one who seemed to be a big brother of sort, Souta if Nozomi remembered well, came back with a few apples and a piece of meat hidden in his shirt. He looked at her pointedly like he was asking what she was still doing here.

“I didn’t see th-the wom-man,” she said to explain it to him

“Well if you were playing so far away from where you were initially supposed to be, I’m sure she couldn’t find you,” he said a little worried but amused. “Guys, I got us some food,” he finally said to the group of playing kids. They all approached him stars in their eyes.

“What d’you find this time Souta?” asked the taller one with orange hair, Eito.

“Not too much, but I had some luck with the meat here,” he said while pulling out two wooden sticks with dry meat from his shirt. “We can share,” he added while passing the apples. “would you like to eat, ermmm, Nozomi was it?” he asked her.

“N-no, s’fine I-I’m going to g-go home soon I th-think,” she said with a little smile. Souta simply nodded before parting the meat in five equal parts.

“Hey Eito, why don’t you drop her off, I think we both know more or less where this little girl lives,” he said more seriously, his light brown eyes now boring into the charcoal ones of the redhaired.

Eito lazily moved from the wall where he was leaning, “sure, _Souta,”_ he said, a mocking, but slightly threatening tone in his voice. The older child advanced to where Nozomi was a gently squeezed her shoulder, “Come li’le girl,” he said before starting to walk out of the dead-end where they were.

Nozomi followed him and grabbed his dirty red shirt between her fingers to be sure not to lose him. The almost teen guy only looked at her briefly before taking a bite of his apple. “Don’t come back around here,” he said to her in a cool and calm voice, “people don’t know you’re a first-class, but if they knew they wouldn’t want to talk to you,” he continued.

“I-I’m a what?” she asked, her voice a little higher than usual.

“You don’t know what classes are?” he asked harshly, his voice seeming a little bit angrier than usual. He passed a hand through his hair. “Calm down Eito, she’s just a little girl,” he murmured lowly for himself while closing his eyes. “What I want to say is that Souta doesn’t like people from your family, so don’t come back or he will get angry in his own way, okay?” he said to Nozomi in a cooler tone.

Nozomi looked at him for a moment like she was trying to understand him better and then turned her gaze in front of her to the road. “People in my clan don’t like me either, they call my mom a whore,” she said lowly in a murmur, “so e-e-even if Souta doesn’t like m-me, I-I don’t care, I-I want to go back and play with-th my friends, I-I don’t have fr-friend where I l-live,” she continued, clutching his shirt more firmly, like she was scared he would abandon her.

Eito sighed and closed again his eyes pensively, “just… if you do come back be careful around Souta, he can be… a little bit _too_ friendly,” he said to her in a neutral voice.

As they advanced, they arrived in front of the tall ice pic protecting the compound’s entrance, the two guards looked at each other, then they saw the little Nozomi and relaxed their shoulders.

“I thought he was going to see his aunt,” one murmured to the other so lowly the two children did not hear, “but hey, even if he wanted a guy like him couldn’t even dream of entering the compound,” he said, the other guard looked at him a little disgusted and decided to ignore him to open the gates.

“keep your comments to yourself, would you?” said the other guard in a murmur, “he’s just dropping the little miss,” he continued.

As the two guards were murmuring suspiciously to each other, Nozomi released the grip she had on the boy’s shirt and turned towards him, only to bow slightly like she had seen her parents do. “Th-Thank you for helping me find my way back home E-Eito-san,” she said to him, blushing a little bit.

“You’re welcome,” he said before turning back nonchalantly to the road.

Nozomi quickly entered the compound and ran to her house, she remembered these streets, they always passed here to go to the central market, she passed the white cherry blossom and ran to her house quickly. As she was going to knock on the door, it opened and the toddler saw her father get out of the house in his complete ninja gear, his light purple hair up in a small ponytail.

“Hi dad!” chirped happily the little girl while hugging his leg

“Hi sweetheart,” he said while eyeing her, “I’m going on a mission,” he continued, his voice calm but stern, Nozomi understood that she was supposed to let him go and released his leg.

“Oh Okay,” she said sadly, was it going to be long? She hoped not.

Like he had read her thoughts, Kazu added quickly, “I’m coming back soon,” and then she ruffled her hair and leapt on the roofs.

Nozomi looked at him go and entered her house, closing the door behind her, “M-mommy? I’m b-b-back!” she screamed in the house.

“Hi sweetheart, how was your day, were the neighbours nice with you?” asked the mother slowly, her eyes fixed on the book she was reading.

Nozomi wasn’t sure if she was supposed to say they had abandoned her in the middle of a weird marketplace she had never seen before with lots of weird people. But forgetting that small part, her day had been amazing, “I-I had a l-lot of f-fun mommy,” said Nozomi, it wasn’t a lie, she had had lots and lots of fun with her friends.

“Humm,” said Amaya, looking at her daughter for a moment, “well,” she said while clapping her hands, “today is your spare day and we still have a few hours before eating, why don’t you go take your little notebook so I can explain to you how to read those books I gave you?” she exclaimed to her daughter.

Nozomi nodded and quickly ran to her room, the lie she had said was letting a sour aftertaste in her mouth and she wondered to herself when she had started to lie so much to her parents. With the guilt she felt, Nozomi didn’t dare say she hadn’t eaten and that her stomach was empty.

  


*

  


“Today little miss, we are letting Uzushio to the side to talk about plants you can and cannot eat to survive, medical properties and other things,” said Keomi to her granddaughter, “get those sheets you have and start to write, I’ll let you transcribe in that notebook of yours later on today when I’ll cook.”

“U-um, obaa-san?” said Nozomi in a murmur

“Say, little miss,”

“C-Can I cook with you, I-I-I’d like to bring some food to my friends,” said the toddler shily.

“Sure, but if you can’t find time to transcribe everything it’s not my fault,” said the grandmother cooly.

“Th-thanks!” said Nozomi happily

“Now listen brat, look, this plant is called Ginko, it’s a memory boost you could use if you wanted,” started Keimo, while showing a semi-circular leaf that looked like the quarter of a clover.

  


*

  


“Can I try it obaa-san,” said Nozomi while looking at the soup cooking in the big pot. The little girl was sitting on the white counter beside the oven and had been helping her grandmother cook udon soup. She had asked the woman to make it extra big because she needed to give a lot to her friends and she had a lot of friends. The woman had looked at her with an eyebrow raised in the air, like she was asking if she was serious and they really were going to cook as much, but in the end, the older woman had agreed to cook much more than she usually did.

“No, you can’t, it's not ready,” said the grandmother while shooing her granddaughter away from the pot.

After fifteen minutes of incessant “Is it ready obaa-san?” and “how much time?” Keomi thought the soup was good enough and poured all the ingredient in one big cauldron with the ingredients it needed for a better taste.

“You want to give this to your friends now?” asked the grandmother to Nozomi, the little girl nodded quickly, “Here put this on your back, I won’t go with you, I have better things to do than bother some kids who want to play,” she said while delicately putting on her granddaughter the rectangular wooden box. It looked more or less like a backpack, with the straps, but it was simply a box where the cauldron would fit perfectly.

“Thanks obaa-san, I-I’m g-going now!” said the little girl while running to the door.

“Be careful,” said back Keomi sternly, “I don’t want to be called because my granddaughter fell and got hurt.”

Nozomi hummed in agreement and got out. Today, as always, the sky seemed sad and angry, the toddler didn’t really like the sky around here, she preferred the sunny days, they made her feel at home. The cauldron was heavy on her back, but Nozomi was determined and it would be great training she thought to motivate herself. Nozomi passed the gates without a problem, but after a few minutes, she had to stop to remember the streets she to take to get to the wide street with kiosks. Most of the streets she remembered, one time she guessed and had to get back on her tracks, but after thirty minutes where her back was aching and her legs trembling she found the brown wall where they had found her and from there, she walked to the dead-end where they had played the day before, before she could turn to where she could hear laughing children, someone stopped her. Appearing from nowhere, Souta stood in front of her with a kind smile.

“What are you doing here again little girl, got lost again?” he said with a kind, but strangely unsettling smile.

“U-umm, I-I made f-food and th-thought maybe you-you would want s-some?” she said in a murmur, shy nervous and a little bit scared.

“Why don’t you give me the food then,” he said while extending his dirty and cut hands.

“N-No, I-I want to go and-and give it t-to my friend,” she said while taking a small step back

“Give me the food and I’ll give to them, then you go back to your home, M’kay?” he said gently while taking a step towards her.

“I-I..” she started, taking some breaths in her small lungs, “I WANT TO SEE EITO!” she screamed in the small alley, her eyes determined.

Suddenly the redhead lazily walked into the alley, his arms crossed over his chest, “I think I heard my name,” he said casually.

“The little girl is here to see you apparently,” said Souta before turning in the dead-end, a kind smile on his features.

“Didn’t we talked about you not coming back?” he said disinterestedly.

“B-But I said I-I would come b-back anyway,” she responded while timidly looking at the ground.

“Humm, I guess if I can’t deter you from coming back then I’ll have to look after you,” he said to himself while sighing heavily. “Now, what is that on your back,” he asked, pointing at the white cauldron.

“F-food,” she said while looking up in his dark eyes

“Nice,” he simply said before turning around, “Come, I’m sure everyone is hungry.”

Nozomi smiled happily and followed him to the dead-end where she saw Arata and Megumi playing while Fymuhiro and Souta were talking to each other.

“Nozomi!” said Arata before running towards her, “how are ya?” he asked while grinning.

“Hey Nozomi,” said more quietly Megumi, her hair hiding part of her face.

“I-I’m good,” she said while gulping. A second of silence followed, “I-I brought f-food,” she shily while trying with difficulty to get her ‘Backpack’ off.

Eito advanced towards her and simply took the wooden box in his hand before gently putting it on the floor, he then retreated where Fumihito and Souta were. Megumi and Arata looked at him with wide eyes, but when they smelled the fragrance coming from the cauldron, their attention immediately diverted.

“H-Here, take th-these spoons,” said Nozomi while giving one to the two kids, “I-I made it with my my… urmm, my grandmother,” she added shily.

The two kids ran to the cauldron and quickly sat around it. With their clumsy fingers, they started to avidly drink the soup some of its content dripping from their mouth. Nozomi looked at them bemused, she should probably bring food often if they liked to eat so much, and a small voice in her head murmured that they were just hungrier than anyone she’s ever seen and that they probably ate way less than her anyway. Nozomi detached her eyes from her two young friends and timidly advanced to the group of older kids talking by themselves on the wall. That was a much more difficult task, she was a little scared of them, she didn’t understand why. She advanced towards Eito, who was at the right and slowly took his shirt in her small hand to get his attention, it was the same shirt as yesterday she remarked, and he turned slowly toward her, his dark eyes boring into hers.

“H-Here,” she said before putting the three spoons in his hand and running back to her friends. As she sat on the ground to also eat with them.

“Nozomi,” said Megumi softly between two slurps, “you dress is really pretty, where did you get it?” she asked while looking with stars in her eyes the kimono the toddler was wearing.

Nozomi was uncomfortable, something was saying to her this was a touchy subject, “I-I’m not sure,” said slowly the toddler, “I-I think my father gave it t-to me,” she said while looking away to avoid eye contact.

“My father also gave me a dress before he died,” she exclaimed happily, “but it’s still too big for me, apparently I’ll be able to wear it when I’ll marry! It’s really pretty, but I think my aunt took it for herself so I’m not sure if she’ll let me have it,” she said a little bit lower.

“Oh um, yeah,” said Nozomi awkwardly, “I hope you can have your dress back. After a few seconds the toddler added, “what are you going to do after?”

“I’m going to work,” said Arata, “I work in a bar, I’m supposed to take the orders,” he explained quietly.

“I guess today I won’t have to go search for food,” said Megumi pensively, “maybe I’ll ask my brother to show me how to use the sword,” she added. “What are you going to do?” asked Megumi.

“I have to go back home and practice codding and seals,” said Nozomi with a smile.

The conversation continued pleasantly between the children and, at some point, the three older ones came to eat. Nozomi went back home alone, but with a smile on her face and joyous thoughts.

  


*

  


The week passed quickly and Nozomi went between her grandmother’s house to her the dead-end where her friends always played. On Tuesday, Nozomi was dropped off by her uncomfortable mother at her grandmother’s house before the sun was up. As the little girl entered the huge house alone, she heard two voices talking in the gardens. Nozomi walked silently to the middle of the house and observed her grandmother talk with a young woman with long, loose brown hair. The woman was sitting on one of the chairs and was wearing tight black elastic pants with a loose white top with large sleeves and a crisscross pattern that resembled the Nozomi’s kimono.

“and I imagine your husband is on another mission,” said Keomi to the woman, “really such bad luck you have.” This was probably relevant to their conversation, but Nozomi wasn’t aware of what had been said before and couldn’t follow.

The woman laughed lightly, “You are right, such bad luck I have, but it seems right now all of the wives of our clan are doomed with such luck, these last to weeks there have been more and more missions given to the men of our clan,” she said pensively, “and more and more are dying,” she added lowly.

“Don’t be such a pessimist, your husband will be fine,” said Keomi, but she also had this aura of pensiveness making Nozomi uncomfortable.

“You can come little miss, I may not have heard you, but I can feel your chakra hiding behind the door,” said softly the woman.

Nozomi jumped from surprised and timidly advanced to the patio where the two women were talking, she knew she wasn’t supposed to eavesdrop on their conversation, she hoped she wouldn’t be scold.

“My name is Arisu Yuki, but call me Arisu-senseï, I will be teaching you our clan’s techniques,” she said softly to the toddler in front of her.

Nozomi turned bright red and bowed slightly, “H-Haï Arisu-senseï,” the teacher was really pretty she thought before turning as red as a tomato.

“I bought clothes for you, little miss, I don’t want my granddaughter to look like plebeian in her pyjamas,” said sternly the grandmother.

“As charming as always I see, Yuki-sama,” said Arisu with a small controlled laugh

Nozomi was looking at the woman with stars in her eyes and quickly took the clothes on the table to go and change. They had given her a wide simple black shirt and just like her teacher black fitted pants. She clumsily put them on and got out of the bathroom with her clothes under one arm. As she arrived in the gardens, her grandmother had already disappeared and Arisu-senseï was waiting for her under the light of the moon. Nozomi dropped the bundle of clothes on the floor and ran to her teacher.

“Get your shoes off,” said the woman at the sight of Nozomi’s fancy sandals. The toddler quickly did so and came back by the woman’s side. “I heard you were doing quite badly,” said Arisu, at those words, Nozomi looked timidly at the floor. “There’s no need to be ashamed, I will show a style some of the Yuki women have mastered in the last decade, now follow my moves, I will show you the first kata today.”

Arisu spread her two legs and got down until her legs were almost at an 90◦ angle, her right arm advanced in front of her until it was completely extended and her fingers were tightly compressed together in an open form. Her left arm was blocking her torso and her hand was prepared to punch. Nozomi tried to copy her senseï only to fall horribly on the first try, ashamed, she tried again, and this time carefully placed her legs.

“The feet are the key of your stability, if you master the way your feet move, you will have a facility to adapt and change between various technique,” said Arisu in a calm tone. It was a hint for Nozomi to change her feet position, it immediately felt way better and Nozomi placed her hands more confidently.

“It is important to understand why you are positioned this way to better use this base stance,” started Arisu her eyes boring into Nozomi’s, “The legs are bend to facilitate a transition to the ground, this style is axed on quick response and attack, if someone is throwing a punch to you, you block, which is not advised, or take the opportunity to fall to the ground and make them trip, the same way, if someone kicks in direction of your feet, you can quickly jump. The right hand is extended in a way to easily grab an opponent’s arm or head to after break it or bring the opponent near you, finally, the left hand is for protection, but we prefer evasion, since some ninjas can break your whole body by only touching you with their pinky,” said Arisu to finish, she looked at her protégé analyzing her reaction. Nozomi nodded to signify her understanding and the teacher continued to the next stance.

“No, that’s wrong, don’t be so heavy on your feet or you will trip, this style is fast and precise,” “Stop wanting to punch so harshly, each punch needs to be precise until the last second,” “Correct your stance, you will fall.”

“Now, I see you’re tired, go take water and come back, you may have learned the first kata, but now it is time to dodge,” said Arisu sweetly, her tone soft and easy. Nozomi was feeling sore, her legs were trembling, and her small body felt like it was a big bruise, she went to the kitchen and took a huge glass of water, ignoring her grandmother. Keomi looked at her with question in her eyes, but did not comment, she wasn’t a ninja. The toddler drank the water so fast she chocked on it various times before finishing it, she then ran back to her teacher who did not seem as sweet anymore.

“I brought a few balls, you have to dodge, okay little miss? Each time you fail is five push-ups you’ll have to do tomorrow morning,” said Arisu calmly with a smile on her face. Nozomi shivered at the thought of having to do more than fifty push-ups, she can’t be touched by more than ten balls.

This will be a long day…

  


*

  


Thursday was her day off, but Nozomi still had to do 120 push-ups and she wasn’t sure how she would achieve that. She decided to put it back to later, she hadn’t gone to see her friends yesterday because she had felt so sore and still today she felt like someone had punched her everywhere and had let her on the ground while she was bleeding out. Yeah, it was that bad. Her father had returned from his mission sometime in the night, the toddler hadn’t seen him much since he had been assigned for yet another mission and was asked to depart early in the morning.

Nozomi was dressed this time a little more appropriate to go meet her friends with long blue pants and a simple white shirt, the toddler was putting her raincoat on to go outside when Amaya intercepted her.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing, we are not going to Keomi-sama’s house today,” said Amaya in calm, but intrigued tone.

“U-Um w-well, mommy I-I-I’m going to g-go play with Chinami-chan, m-my new friend,” said Nozomi while looking at the ground.

“Oh, well I’m happy you get on so well with our neighbours, but you have to tell me before, okay? You are only three years old.” Explained the mother while ruffling her daughter’s hair, “You can go for today, but come back before lunch, I want to talk about seals with you,” said the mother with a smile.

Nozomi nodded, a knot in her throat, and ran outside. After making sure her mother had enough time to go back to the kitchen, the toddler sprinted as fast as she could with her sore legs to the next street where her mother wouldn’t be able to see her from the windows. Nozomi was feeling extremely bad, lying had become in the last two weeks something she had started to do more and more often and she couldn’t stop because now that she was so deep in, she was scared to say the truth and so she would lie more and more and get deeper and deeper in this web of lies. The toddler took and deep breathe to calm herself, she would think about this on another date, now it was time to meet her friends, just like that, her focus and thoughts changed and she was now running through the compound to get to them.

  


*

  


“Nozomi!” cried in distress Megumi at the sight of her female friend.

The toddler stopped in her tracks at the sight of her friend. The little brown-haired girl was almost crying, and she had a huge bruise under her chin. Her hair was dishevelled like she hadn’t had time to brush them like she always tried to do and overall, there was something about her that was so completely wrong. This wasn’t the same Megumi she came to play with every day for the last week.

“Nozomi!” said again Megumi while embracing the toddler in her arms, “I-I, the-the Arata! Arata, he-he, he was, he is, I mean, Arata disappeared and we can’t find him!” said the five-year-old, a small shiver passing through her body while she was holding tightly Nozomi.

“W-What did y-you say Megumi-chan?” asked for confirmation the worried toddler.

“Arata disappeared Nozomi, he-he is gone,” repeated Megumi, detaching herself from Nozomi.

Her brown eyes seemed much older, like she had now understood something that had given her a new view on life.

“You know Nozomi,” said in a murmur Megumi, “I think I really hate the first class now,” she said in an almost dead tone. “I know one of them took Arata, they probably bought him, paid enough to get him as their personal whore,” the child stopped talking for a second and took a shuddering small breath, “Arata didn’t tell you, because he thought you were too young to hear that,” after saying that, the normally shy girl chuckled, like what she was saying was funny, “but his work wasn’t to take orders at a bar, he was a kagema, he pleasured others, do you understand that Nozomi?!” asked harshly Megumi while taking the toddler’s shoulders in her hands, shaking her a little bit too ruthlessly.

A hand firmly took Megumi’s shoulder in its grip and the little girl suddenly stopped in her tracks, her eyes widening In surprise, a deep sigh could be heard from behind her, “Well Megumi-san, that’s enough for today, hmm?” said lazily Eito. “Go see Fumihiro, your brother is also here, they are waiting for you to go home,” he added as a final order. The little girl looked with almost a guilty look at the toddler and quickly ran to another street before disappearing completely from the trembling toddler’s view.

The almost teenager looked grimly at Nozomi and extended his hand for the toddler to take. The little girl felt tears run down her cheeks and hiccups form in her throat, she was shaking on the ground and couldn’t stop. As a little girl who never had friends and was so young, it was hard to see one of her first friends so mad and sad and just… lost. When Eito understood the little girl would not be taking his hand any time soon, he let a long sight and crouched to get to her height, the boy took her with his arms and got up. Nozomi was now bundled in his arms, crying like a baby.

“Hey, don’t cry now,” he said a little awkwardly, “I mean I’m sure they’ll find him, we’ve been looking all around the village,” he continued. “U-um, hey stop-p crying…” He was really bad at this whole thing, he thought to himself.

“Y-You’re looking f-for him?” she said slowly, her glistening blue eyes looking at his dark ones.

“Yes,” he simply said, relieved she had finally stopped crying.

“C-Can I come?” she asked, hiding her head in his neck

Eito sighed lowly, “I guess you could,” he said slowly, like he was considering the prospect of having a three-year-old searching all over the yukaku (meaning where sex workers and bars are) with him.

  


*

  


The yukaku of Kirirkagure was called Nami no Karaiku, it was a small neighbourhood if it could be called that, only made of a few streets. It was packed with different shops, bars, theatres for exhibitionism, love hotels, everything related to the sex industry, it was the part of the town were every class came, after the creation of Kirigakure, under the reign of the first Mizukage, a law demanded prostitution-related works be restricted to one sole area, and so was created Nami no Karaiku.

This place truly came alive at night and at day, it was mostly deserted, not that there weren’t clients, but the higher quality shops were all closed to let their workers sleep and eat. Because of that, Eito didn’t feel so bad when he brought Nozomi with him, he still felt guilty, but the thought made him relax a little bit. The two had searched all day for Arata, to no avail, the bar where he worked was closed and other prostitutes weren’t as cooperatives as they could’ve been. When the sun was starting to set on the horizon, Nozomi realized Arata had truly disappeared and she felt new tears form in her eyes, she tried to repress them all but couldn’t, and so, she shamelessly decided to cry on Eito’s shoulder and ruin his shirt. The young boy was also feeling a strange sense void inside of him, not that it was a new feeling, but he never could quite remember how it felt and when it came back it always made him shiver from the intensity of it. Not feeling the energy to comfort the little girl, Eito decided to let her cry on his shoulder and started to walk out of the awakening district.

As they were walking in the dark streets of Kirigakure, Eito felt something wet fall on the tip of his nose and descend to his mouth, then another fell on his hair, cold and strangely appropriate for the mood he was in. He let the rain slowly soak him and the toddler, he felt the shivers going through him and the coldness invading his body, it felt good, it felt right. His orange hair fell over his forehead and he felt the little girl calm down under his arms and press herself closer to him to listen to his heartbeat. His shoes were soaked, but as they were arriving at the dead-end street, it didn’t bother him, he didn’t even think about it.

The moon was now illuminating the penumbra of the place made of bricks and broken rocks, the water was slowly running towards a hole in the ground and he felt Nozomi stir under him like an agitated baby. The soaked toddler detached her head from his torso and turned around to look at the people waiting there for them to come back from their expedition and inform them of their findings. Eito placed slowly Nozomi on the floor and looked calmly, almost with pity, at Megumi and Fumihiro who were waiting anxiously.

“I… We, we didn’t find anything,” he said softly, his voice accompanied by the incessant sound of the dropping raindrops. It seemed like the sky was crying with them thought Nozomi

Eito heard a muffled gasp coming from Megumi. Fumihiro slowly looked down and his small hand formed into a fist, a trembling full of rage fist, “DAMMIT,” he said his voice breaking in the end, it was raw, full of untold emotion and a few seconds after, his fist connected with the brick wall harshly, like punching would make the pain dissipate, but Eito knew it would stay with them, it would stay and will never be forgotten, it could be dulled with time or it could poison the young hearts, like Megumi’s, but it would never disappear. Just… just imagining what would happen to Arata was something that he couldn’t bear.

Eito advanced towards the pair and heard Nozomi doing the same behind him, they weren’t alone in this and even if he never outwardly expressed his emotions, he could make an exception today, the rain would wash away the memories and at the end of the day no one would remember. The boy advanced to Megumi and put his hand on her shoulder, more softly this time around, and slowly took Fumihiro’s hand off the wall to put it back by his side. He felt Nozomi’s little form slip between his leg and hug Megumi in a demand for love.

They stayed like this for minutes, or maybe hours. Only hearing the heavy raindrops falling to the ground. Until.

  


Eito heard the heavy footsteps of someone running in the rain, he heard the laboured breathing and he could feel the frantic desperation of the person wandering in these streets. The redhead slowly turned around, glaring threateningly at whoever would dare try and put them in danger, but he saw a completely different scene. There was a woman soaked in rain, her pretty kimono clinging to her every side because if the rain, her hair was black as the night falling in a dishevelled cascade over her shoulder, the shiny droplets running through them and her eyes were scanning the place in a methodical but still frenzied, wild way. She looked somewhat like his own mother, but this woman was much… prettier, deadlier, like a sin wrapped in a beautiful package. Her black orbs clashed with his own identical ones and her eyes slowly widened in realization, before passing his form to focus on the kids hidden behind his own form.

Nozomi turned around slowly, feeling a burning gaze on her back, her hands instantly brushed her right tight, but as always nothing was there. Her body tensed for a moment before she scanned her surroundings, her blue eyes timidly analyzing the street. The toddler jumped in surprise at the sight of her mother, almost numbly, a voice murmured to her she was supposed to be at home hours ago. The little girl felt a long shiver pass her cold body and she decided to detach herself from Megumi’s warm body. She passed under Eito’s leg and under their watchful eyes advanced towards her mom timidly.

“M-Momm—” said tentatively Nozomi

The toddler didn’t have time to register what was happening before she heard the loud sound of a hand hitting a face reverberate in the night. Nozomi stayed quiet for a few seconds, her head turned to the left, before she felt tears form in her blue big eyes and a hot searing pain pass through her face. The cool rain was dripping on the hot surface that was her burning cheek in a soft healing embrace. A heart-breaking hiccup shook through her body, she felt her heartbreak under the sadness that caused the hit she received, the toddler didn’t understand, why was her mother hitting her.

“Wh-Where were you Nozomi!” almost screamed the mother to her daughter, her voice breaking from the sadness in it. “Where were you?” she asked again, still desperate, “Where were you today, huh? Tell me!” she screamed while taking her daughter’s shoulders between her red hands.

The mother crouched beside her daughter and her head fell on her Nozomi’s shoulder like a rag doll, the little girl could hear her mother’s sobs, something was wrong, but was it? What was happening, Nozomi didn’t understand, her mother never acted this way. The woman sobbed on the toddler’s shoulder,

“Nozomi,” she said abruptly, her tone dead and lifeless, “your dad died.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!  
> Thank you for reading, wash your hands, stay inside and spread love.  
> What did you think, any ideas for what will happen in the future?  
> And what did you think about Keomi and Arisu? I love Arisu and I have some great twists for her in the future, in like 20-30 chapters.  
> I alsoooo Eito, I have nothing more to say, just, Eito is a whole different mood, he will be important in the future chapters.


	7. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dark eyes and shogi boards

“Nozomi,” she said, her tone dead and lifeless, “Your dad died.”

Nozomi felt something move in her, dark and sad and something that was supposed to stay hidden in the penumbra of her mind.

“Huh?” she asked, her brain not registering what was being said, she could only feel the rain, her mother, the cold and the warm, the burning of her cheek. 

“Your father died!” she said an octave higher, her voice rasp, Nozomi felt her ears ring and a strange feeling of numbness invade her body, like she was disconnected from all of this. It was strange, the way she dealt with death, but it was easier to just feel nothing than to feel too much. The toddler stayed stable on her two feet, shivering from the rain, but nothing seemed to make her cry. She had cried for Arata, why couldn’t she cry for her father, the way she worked, it was strange.

Amaya got up from the ground in a slow-motion, her red puffy eyes boring into her daughter’s glazed, lost ones. “Come, we…” she took a pause to calm herself, “we are going back to the compound, you… you’ll be staying with Keomi-sama,” she finished, her voice not higher than a whisper of the wind after her outbreak.

Nozomi took her mother’s hand, she was cold, cold from the rain, cold from the pain and the two walked out of the alley in silence where Nozomi’s friends were silently, almost morbidly looking at the situation in front of them.

The rain stopped and the wind picked up. The two girls were silently walking, alone in their own heads, no one wanted to talk about what had happened. Nozomi had lost her mother’s trust that day and the toddler was ashamed of it, but more than anything, she was feeling numb and lost and just void of emotions.

As they arrived in front of the grand ice pic, the two guards looked at them for a second, before opening the gate. They advanced in the dark night towards one of the biggest houses of the compound, there, Amaya limply advanced towards the door and knocked three times. Nozomi shivered and the door opened, on the other side was Keomi, waiting for them with an impatient and stressed face.

“You found her,” she said when she saw her granddaughter soaked in water. The older woman suddenly relaxed, her tense shoulders falling back in place and a long shuddering breath escaped her white lips. “Amaya-san, you can go, I will take care of her,” said Keomi sternly, like there was no room for objection.

The mother nodded and pushed her daughter inside before turning her back on them and disappearing in the streets. “You’re soaked wet, go in the onsen and take one of the rooms, I’ll see you tomorrow little miss,” said the grandmother with difficulty.

Nozomi nodded and went away, letting the older woman alone. Keomi went to the gardens and sat to look at the moon in the cold night, the woman felt her regrets invade her mind, one of her sons had died, one day he had disappeared completely from her life and the prospect to reconcile with him, to finish all the bad blood between him and their family was now over, never could she say how sorry she was to be such a close-minded person, to not be able to see what he saw in the woman he loved.

The old woman let a tired sigh escape her mouth, she suddenly felt old, older than what she was, she wanted to lay on the ground and let her tired bones relax for a minute until she felt better, ready to take back her post as the matriarch of the third most important branch of the clan.

*

Things were fuzzy, mixed, strange. Nozomi saw shapes she wasn’t sure were there, she heard her father tell her he loved her in places where silence reigned, she was lost in a routine of confusion. Her mother had disappeared for now a week, but her classes hadn’t stopped, people came and went, they stayed an hour or two in her grandmother’s house, they gave her flowers, gifts, fake tears and then they left. Never did they look at her more than three seconds before dismissing her as unimportant.

It was also a strange week because the toddler couldn’t stop crying, it wasn’t like in the alley where she had only felt void and blankness, now she felt too much, every time she saw people with dimples, her eyes watered, she often looked at the pale purple hair that some in the clan had and she’d start to ball her eyes out. It wasn’t something she could control, because she would’ve stopped it long ago, she didn’t like to cry for nothing, to be a bother for others. She knew the death of her father was hard on her grandmother who had lost a lot of hair and looked more tired than ever and she would’ve never wanted to voluntarily give her more problems than she already had, but Nozomi was also a kid and crying was the easiest way for her to feel better. Usually. But it seemed that it was not effective for this situation, for this loss.

The first day after she had arrived, Nozomi had woken up to the feeling of someone slowly caressing her hair, it felt like the hand of her father, strong, but purposefully soft, it made her body tremble like sheet of paper in the wind, she was cold, she was hot, she was lost and grounded, all at the same time. The person stayed with her until she calmed, it must have taken more than an hour, when she tried to open her eyes, it was hard, the light hurt and they were big and puffy, impeding her from seeing what was in front of her. But when she heard the soft and smooth voice of the person, she immediately recognized it.

“Good morning Nozomi-san,”

It took her a few minutes to respond, her throat was rough from the tears, “A-Arisu-sensei?” she slowly articulated.

“I’m here,” the woman responded as she took the little girl in her arms, she secured the toddler on her chest and headed towards the baths of the house. The humidity was palpable in the room, the vapor invading the little girl’s nostrils, Arisu gently put down the little girl on the floor and she undressed, expecting the toddler to follow her example, but when Nozomi stayed immobile, Arisu had to gently undress the girl.

She extended her hand towards Nozomi in a slow motion, “come,” she simply said, and the mourning girl did. The two entered the burning water together and Arisu helped her wash and relax. At some point, the toddler started to cry again, and her sensei comforted her for the rest of the bath.

For the following days, Arisu was her main source of comfort, her mother had disappeared completely, and Nozomi felt lost and scared, but her teacher was staying with her at every step. Arisu comforted her, washed her, dressed her and  _ taught her _ . Nozomi didn’t really understand at first what they were doing, apparently, it was for the funeral and they did not have much time, so she had to learn it quickly.

But the toddler didn’t really want to know about what she was doing, she hadn’t asked the purpose of all of this meditation or why she needed to shape ice in her hand, she only wanted to follow instruction and get lost in activities that demanded concentration and effort. She wanted to feel the approval of her teacher and the soft cuddles she gave her when she cried.

When she shaped a perfectly round ball of snow in her hand, Arisu told her to try and shape it like a snowflake. For two days, her snowflake only looked like a ball with various triangles popping out of it, but at the end of the week, Nozomi received a gentle pat on the head and she knew all her efforts were worth it.

One day, a maid had come to wake her up in the foreign room they had given her in the house. Nozomi didn’t really want to open her eyes that day, her sleep had become precious in the last few days, it was the time when she could forget about everything, but when she felt a small weight add beside her, she obliged and her blue eyes met a set of black clothes, at the sight of them, her already puffy eyes started to water again.

By the time she had gone off the bed, the maid was already gone, but the tears were still there, sliding on her red cheeks. The almost four years old little girl was methodically putting the clothes on her: black leggings, black skirt and wide black shirt. She tried various times to calm down, but it seemed the torrent from her eyes wouldn’t stop, couldn’t stop.

An hour passed before her grandmother entered the room, and when the old woman saw her granddaughter crying, she ushered to the floor and took the toddler’s small form in between her arms.

“Nozomi, Nozomi,” she slowly murmured in her ears, “it’s time to go, we have to see your father and say goodbye,” she took a small pause to stop her voice from trembling, “it’s the best... for both of us, we need a closure, don’t you think?” she continued as she rocked the toddler in her arms. She waited until the tears dried up and the sobs settled down, Keomi than gave a small reassuring tap on her back and the two started to slowly walk towards the cemetery full of the dead, waiting to be mourned, but forgotten by their family, Nozomi had sworn she would never forget her dad, she would come back, because never would she be able to forget this loss.

Some people preferred to forget, but the toddler already knew somehow that remembering was what she wanted to do, keep the precious smiles and the soft tunes he sang as he cooked, she wanted it all at reach in her head. As they arrived where the ceremony was going to take place, a wide terrain with various trees, old and new , the people present were already placed in a circle around what seemed to be the sprout of a new tree, small and green, representing the start of a new life.

It seemed Keomi and Nozomi were the last to arrive, the toddler followed her grandmother towards the centre of the circle where the old woman let her. Nozomi was now standing alone in front of the small green sprout, people were looking at her and the toddler was looking around her lost.

She couldn’t recognize the faces around her, only her grandmother was familiar to her and she was now hidden in between two strangers. She felt pressured and a strange sense of shame and shyness overcame her, the little girl was shuffling uncomfortably, waiting for someone to tell her what to do.

She felt the hands of someone on her shoulders making her jump slightly, soft black hair tickled her nose and she immediately recognized the person behind her.

“Mommy,” she murmured as she tried to turn around to hug her, but Amaya’s hands were firm and didn’t let the toddler move.

“Hi sweetie,” she responded in her daughter’s ears, sounding exhausted, “don’t move okay? The ceremony will start, and I want you to stay still, but you can talk to daddy in your head, that’s why you are here,” she instructed.

“O-okay,” the toddler responded while gulping slightly.

She looked in wonder at the plant in front of her feet and wondered if her dad was really in the plant, she felt sad and lost, but the firm pressure of her mother’s hands was calming, like it kept her grounded to reality, not letting her mind wander towards happier times.

Nozomi tried it, she closed her eyes and talked to her father, she told him things she had forgotten to say the last time she had seen him, she confessed how she had lied to him and was learning how to fight at Keomi’s house, she repeated continuously how she loved him and missed. The little girl told him how she wouldn’t forget him and her tears streamed down in a steady flow, dropping on the plant's small green leaves, she wanted to tell him everything, but couldn’t grasp the words.

People around her started to sing, to hum a soft melody in a jerky language, it soothed the girl’s pain in a strange way. She tried herself to recreate the soft rumble in her small torso, it felt cold and soft, comfortable even.

After various minutes, she felt her mother retreat, she felt the urge to look behind, but she had understood she wasn’t supposed to move, the song changed a bit, it was lower, harder to sing for Nozomi’s young voice. She felt a person install themselves in front of her, on the other side of the plant, as she opened her eyes, she met icy blue eyes, identical to hers and her father’s, the man closed his eyes and, Nozomi assumed, talked to Kazu in his head.

More people came after, each spending a long period of time talking to the dead, she couldn’t recognize them, but they all had some similarities with her father, some seemed genuinely sad, others were simply faking it. Nozomi saw all types of people pass, resentful ones, regretful ones, satisfied ones and sad ones, it seemed her father was a person with a complicated life and complicated relationships.

When the sun started to set and Nozomi’s feet were wobbly, the song stopped, eyes were fixed on the toddler, they were waiting for her to do something, her mother came back behind her, “Snowflakes Nozomi, to remember the dead, like in the festival at the end of the war, make one for your father okay?” she murmured lowly.

Nozomi felt her hands tremble, she wasn’t sure about this, and her form wasn’t as pretty as the one she had seen older people do. She felt the soft squeeze of her mother’s hand and she hid her insecurity and put on a confident mask. She made the dog sign and closed her eyes, imagining the form she wanted to give the reminiscence of her father’s years, she wanted something intricate, but she had to go simpler, she was scared of messing up.

Her father was harsh, but soft, he was a person full of love but reserved, his snowflake would be simple, because he was simple, for him everything was black and white, but he could compromise for the people he loved. The edges would be sharp and the interior softer, rounder, she wanted to give him this, she wanted to give him a beautiful snowflake.

She felt a big part of her small reserves seep out of her, materialize and froze, when she opened her eyes, a snowflake was floating in front of her, it was pretty and glistening and even if it was not perfectly symmetrical and one of the sides was less shiny than the other, she was proud. Nozomi felt proud and sad, it conveyed the image she had of the man who had raised her, and now he was dead, as the snowflake slowly descended towards the plant, her eyes watered again. Her vision was blurry, but she still tried to position it in the right place, just in front of the root of the plant, beside her feet.

“He would be proud of you Nozomi, you did well,” her mother said to her as she hugged her little girl from behind.

Nozomi immediately turned around and jumped in her arms, burying her face in the soft curve of Amaya’s neck. At the same time, people around her sent their own snowflake towards the sky, making them explode in thousands of tiny bits of snow.

“Now let’s go home,” Amaya finally said while softly caressing her daughter’s soft hair. The two departed from the fake condolences of a family they had never heard of until now.

*

For a month, Nozomi went to Keomi’s house every morning and her mother came back to pick her up, dark bags under her eyes and hands trembling, sometimes she would forget and she would stay the night at her grandmother’s house. They couldn’t see each other much, Nozomi didn’t understand why, but she was scared for her mom, because Amaya was losing weight and she didn’t eat much, when she came back home she always needed to sleep and when she woke she seemed to have aged 10 years.

Two days after the funeral, a man appeared at the door of their house to take Amaya with him, he spoke to them like they were less than bugs, dirt under his shoes. He looked at Amaya like she was a disgusting being and without remorse took her with him, letting Nozomi alone at home. Her mother only came back late at night, completely exhausted.

The day after, the same man appeared, his expression was changed, he looked more pleasant, kinder and he looked at Nozomi with a nice smile on his face.

“Aaaah, hello little girl, would you please bring me the person named Yuki Nozomi?” he said while dismissing her immediately, like it was impossible she was Yuki Nozomi.

The toddler sent him her maddest frown, which probably looked like a cute pout, “I-I-It’s me.”

The man observed her for a moment and looked again at the scroll in between his hands, “I see, here are the belongings of Yuki Kazu,” he said more seriously as he handed her a blue scroll.

“Tha-Thank you sir,” she responded as a clear dismissal

The shinobi bowed and disappeared in a cloud of smoke, letting her alone at the front door. The toddler looked in wonder at the scroll, a small lump forming in her throat, what could be inside, she wondered. She closed the door again and went back to eat, waiting for her mother to come back from the shower. An hour later, the two females were walking in the direction of Keomi’s house.

“Bye mom,” said lowly Nozomi as she hugged Amaya’s leg

“Bye sweetie,” she responded, her voice strained and tired, “listen to your grandmother okay?”

Nozomi hummed in approbation and went inside, at this hour her grandmother was probably sleeping, but Arisu-sensei should be waiting for her in the gardens. The woman was there as expected, her brown hair tied in a solid ponytail, preparing her muscles for the strain of her own training.

“Hello little miss, how are you feeling today?” she asked without looking directly at her

“Uum hi Arisu-sensei, I-I’m okay.. I think,” she said, her voice insecure.

“And what do you have there?”

“U-Umm, my notebook and a-a scroll… don’t really w-want to talk ab-bout.”

“Why don’t you come stretch with me?” the teacher softly asked, not asking more questions about the scroll.

Nozomi went, the two of them stretched, which relaxed the small girl, it was a nice routine that made her feel better. But it took longer than usually, and Nozomi wondered why they were putting so much emphasis on it.

“Today we will spar,” Arisu said after they had finished, “This is for you, if you can touch me with one of those, you win,” she said as she threw a pouch.

The toddler caught it and stumbled from its heavyweight, she curiously looked at the leather pouch and peeked inside, her eyes widened at the sight of shiny bright shurikens.

“Uuum sensei?” asked Nozomi questioningly, was she supposed to have those?

The woman laughed at her confused face, “You can keep them,” she said, “just be careful not to hurt yourself too much, I don’t want to go to the clan hospital today.”

Very reassuring, thought Nozomi, she experimentally picked one, adjusting her chubby fingers around the sharp edges to not cut herself too deeply, already blood was seeping from her index. This would be a long day.

At twelve, Arisu wrapped her chubby hands in bandages and they went on the patio, where her grandmother was waiting.

“Obaa-san,” exclaimed the toddler as she ran towards the woman, “I m-missed you…”

The older woman was shuffling uncomfortably, “Umm yeah, I missed you too,” she responded while pulling away. Keomi exchanged a long look with her teacher before talking again, “You seem a bit tired.. you can read until the dinner is ready.”

Keomi went back into the house, letting Arisu and Nozomi alone outside. The toddler took her notebook and dived her hand into the back cover to get one of the basic funijutsu books, but she quickly got bored and while looking around she remembered about the scroll. The almost four years old went on her two feet and wandered towards the stairs where she had let the blue piece of paper.

She returned and opened the long scroll on the floor. This shouldn’t be too difficult, she thought to herself. It seemed that instinctively she poured part of her cooling chakra and suddenly everything exploded. A mountain of objects was ejected from the blue paper and Nozomi found herself under various scrolls in an instant. Smoke was slowly dissipating in the ambient air and the small girl let a wimpy cough out of her lungs. As she sat again and the objects on her rolled on the floor, Nozomi saw a piece of paper floating in the middle of the chamber, a golden hue seeping from it like sun dust.

She approached it cautiously and after a few seconds, decided to grab it. As her fingers touched it for the first time, the golden aura disappeared and the paper stumbled on the wooden planks.

_ Never falter from the truth, _

_ for it is your only ally _

__

_ Don’t forget the ways of the firsts, _

_ for they forged you descendents _

__

_ Don’t forget the legends, _

_ for they always hold some truth _

__

_ Yuki of the sea lineage, do not forget your blood, _

_ for if you can read this scroll you are ours, child of the iced seas. _

The words written in brownish-red calligraphy seemed to echo in her head like an enraged ocean. The room now smelled like blood and salt mixed with a slight putrefaction and it did nothing to help her fascination with the paper diminish. “ _ Child of the iced seas,”  _ it seemed so fitting, it sounded like a promise in her ears, but she wasn’t sure what was promised yet. In an instant, reality suddenly came back to her and she quickly sealed the poem in her book, a bit scared about her uncanny fascination, and looked around the room, analyzing everything that had fallen from that blue scroll.

It was a lot. She didn’t really know where to start, texts, weapons, sentimental objects littered the previously clean space. The toddler moved everything around, putting all pictures, weapons, texts in individual groups. After it all, it seemed easier to sit and methodically analyze every piece of the puzzle that was her father’s life. For the entire night she read every scroll she could and strangely no one interrupted her, the little girl found a lot of things. Too many things and she wasn’t sure how to differentiate truth from myth.

The scrolls had two types of information, jutsus and family history. The strangest were the ones about family history, first, she had unsealed yet another scroll and this one had contained a pristinely white dress accompanied by a silver long cape, clearly for a type of ceremony and made for a woman, but why did her dad have it? She had no idea.

After that, she continued to read scroll after scroll and every legend that could be found talked at some point about oracles, prophecies, and visions of future. At some point the toddler had found an old drawing of one of those mentioned beings, she was wearing a pristine white dress with a silver cape. Her name was Yuki Ena.

After seeing that picture, Nozomi had quietly wandered the house in search of paper, a lot, and pencils. She knew her grandmother would hear her, so she did not bother to try and muffle her steps, but no one came to see her like they usually did. As she came back, she wrote every information she had in the weak code she had invented for the moment, nothing much, but at least it would take a few seconds more for an adult to understand what she was writing.

After placing the few pieces of information she had on the floor, Nozomi continued her lecture, she found the record of her lineage and on top stood one name. Yuki Ena, great grandmother of her grandmother, founder of her branch, and according to the myths, first and last oracle of her family. Gifted by the old gods with the ability to see the future, her most known achievement? She had prophesied the start of Kirigakure fifty years before its founding.

All of this was interesting, but still,  _ this _ was her dad’s most valuable objects? Why? After various hours of questioning, the toddler’s brain was now only a puddle of water, words seemed to slip out of her reach and with that question still in mind, she snuggled on the floor in between her notes.

*

“Little miss,” called a voice from the other side of the door, “it’s time for your training.” Suddenly scrambling to her feet, Nozomi quickly opened the door. She had forgotten her training, the thought hidden under the mountain of new information she had gained late in the night.

“U-Um Hello Arisu-sensei,” said the girl, her fingers suddenly more interesting to look at than the icy eyes of the woman. “I’ll be there in a minute, sorry for the inconvenience,” she added more seriously.

“Very well, I’ll be waiting for you,” said warmly the teacher, “but do not look down when you talk to me, in my eyes, we are equals,” she finished while taking the kid’s chin in her hands and pulling it up.

The training was gruelling, Nozomi had been completely unfocused, her mind wandering the paths of speculations and theories. “Snap out of it!” had said her teacher at some point while throwing a blunt kunai at her head, after that, it became an exercise of dodging for the next two hours. Her teacher had finished the training three hours before the due time and walked out, clearly displeased with this day’s performance.

With a sigh, Nozomi dragged her legs towards her room, stepped around the objects all around her and climbed in her bed to go to sleep once again.

She immediately went dark.

*

“Let’s think,” said a man while moving a wooden piece from a board. Silver general was written on it. “You come from a family with old myths, what is so strange about that? There are plenty of myths in Kiri,” he continued while taking a puff from his cigarette.

Nozomi moved a random piece from the table, ‘rook’ was written on it. “Well, my dad has all of this information, it’s a bit too much for it to only represent a myth to him,” she responded. Strange, she didn’t seem to stutter in here.

“I see. Well, why couldn’t it just be his want to keep his culture alive,” he responded as he moved his bishop.

She immediately responded, already knowing about that, “He would’ve told me those stories if that was his goal. It must be something more important.” She looked at the game, her fingers itched to take ‘the lance,’ so she moved it.

His catlike eyes bored into hers. “Maybe he only inherited it from a deceased member and put it in there, not wanting to move it,” he retorted while moving his own bishop.

“My dad was a very minimalist man, he wouldn’t have kept something that didn’t have a purpose,” she counterattacked with her knight, it seemed instinctive.

“Well why couldn’t it serve his purpose?” his black ponytail moved as he captured her silver general.

“I am going to assume that only women had the potential, explaining the white dress,” she responded as she captured his golden general.

“Maybe he was the exception to the rule,”

“His family would’ve known; I am sure oracles are very researched in the lineage, and he lived with my grandmother various years before separating himself from her and the others.”

The man inhaled and exhaled another puff of nicotine before moving his silver general towards her king, dangerously close, “maybe he kept it for someone else,” simply said the man while eyeing her.

“He separated himself from everyone but his nuclear family, no one could meet this criterion, he pretty much ignored everyone but us.” She said as she tried to save her king.

“You know, it always seemed strange to me how you kept yourself out of your thought process,” said the man while looking at her, his flack jacket was unfamiliar, it looked a bit too much like the one those leaf ninjas had worn when they had passed in front of her house.

“What do you mean,” she asked uncertainly, inching her head forward, pink hair fell in front of her.

“Young daughter, learning how to talk before three, uncannily interested in the ninja arts, with strange manifestations and traumatized by what she saw in her mindscape, you tell me what I mean.” He captured her king in the next movement, “Checkmate, Sakura.”

She woke up

Her eyes seemed green in the reflection of her mirror.


End file.
